cosmos & carnations


my love is non attachment, it is freedom, i don’t struggle to love myself, i am so self aware, and in tune with myself, i can’t help but love myself on all realms, i struggle with loving others who refuse to love themselves. i evolve and create, its not hard work to me, its a dance a flow of being and growing naturally, i am vulnerable to those that don’t know and love themselves (to love oneself is to know oneself), they seem to attack me and often, (the opposites attract theory), very few see my divinity, you have to really know me to understand my inner divinity and ever evolving self. ~!~

cosmos and carnations~  written june 2016
new goddess cycle
recently, on may 28th, i got engaged. yes, i am marrying myself for eternal independence and freedom. i am living up to my name to perfection “free spirit”. so wow, unbelievable, my fairytale dream came true.
women who marry themselves don’t get celebrated as much in the culture i live in, but this calls for an all out celebration ~!~. i feel blessed to be in my own presence. my engagement day was divine, it took place in my ‘nikunj vrindavana- secret garden, and Shawday (my dog), Rajkumari, (my cat), the birds, squirrels, and wildlife as my witnesses, along with my spirit guides by my side. it was fantastic, especially when the squirrels dropped colorful carnations from the trees and the birds sang their tribute to my goddess shakti self. “i now pronounce you Devi Aditi Radharani goddess of self” said the spirit of Brahma”. amazing, who knew a spring engagement could be so ethereal. my born again virgin shakti evolving goddess self then made my way to the ocean to put candles and carnations in the water for all of the spirit gods and goddesses, it was a lovely devotion. i took myself back to my home and nikunj vrindavana and delighted in the warm rains, and the soft glow of the sunset through the trees. dusk was calling and soon the diamonds would start to show through the midnight blue sky.
as night came, i thought about my past relationships, men i’ve dated for a cycle of time, and or friended. since many planets were in retrograde it was only appropriate. i thought about my past soul marriage to MahaShiva when i was 28yrs old, my sweet romance with a Krishna, my few love affairs with Hariharas, and a Rama, the shared glee of Hanumans and a Vishnu, my turbulent friendship with Ganesh, and my not so good encounters with Ravanas.
i felt the serenity of my heart, and was delighted at my new devi status of freedom.
i see so many people around my age and younger, casually and quickly tango and go, swing from one person to the next, quickly marry, then divorce, only to get married several times over (to other people), marrying for reasons, other than true love or companionship, they marry to “settle” because that’s what your “supposed” to do, for ego pride, lust, money, status, whatever, etc… i just wonder about truth, depth, and soul in these situations.
i am happy i have been naive, aloof, young, too free of a spirit, a little wise, soulful and sexually careful, even though my naivete and good nature brought me to cross paths with Ravanas, which only taught me to be empowered.
i have seen women so unhappy and very lonely in their marriages, i have seen women’s pretend happy marital statuses, and marriages of convenience and resources. i have seen situations that i couldn’t imagine myself in……ever. i have seen desperate women in this culture, no matter class or status. i think so many women are afraid of alternatives to marriage, being single,etc…
i have seen a lot of women in the last couple of years turn away from american cultured men, and turn to men of different cultures who value the union of marriage and tradition. when i was in the dating scene, i learned everything through my experiences, became wiser, was proposed to a few times in my life, and ran away from my relationships/experiences, because, i wasn’t mature enough/ready for a more “serious” relationship and because, he wasn’t a Brahman. I’ve never met a Brahman (very rare). even if i met a Brahman today, i would take it a friendship status super slow pace. i am not even really that open to connecting to a Brahman right now, and that is like wow, for me, because i am becoming that much more whole in myself, healed in my heart, happy, inspired and more independent than ever before. i honor my devi status.

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