authenticity

on authenticity ~!~ “being authentic, genuine & true to oneself & other”
genuine: honesty, truth, sincerity, integrity
“truth is a mere perspective of reality” which includes objective & subjective truth.

i have always been deeply authentic & non- corruptible. its like i was born non-corruptible. i guess this is why i have been rebellious in my younger teen years, because i sought after the deepest part of my existence. i’m naturally spiritual. thus my deep soul searching started when i was fourteen. my highly sensitive, finely tuned self has always been curious about self. my sensory functions are finely tuned, thus self discovery was/has always been fascinating to me. though self aware & deeply balanced, i was naive in the realm of social standing. when i was young, i genuinely liked everyone’s (family, society, schooling people’s uniqueness. i wanted everyone to like me too. i read the psychology book from the 60’s “i’m ok you’re ok”. i was taught to agree to agree or agree to disagree gracefully with resonant & dissonant energy. i was taught to accept everyone for where they are at in themselves & their own journey of ever evolving self discovery. i was taught that everyone is different & to treat everyone with the same amount of respect.in the old soft covered book it read “don’t think i am the same person i was yesterday as i am today, for i learned a lot yesterday”. this is the concept that humans are ever learning about themselves in resonant & contrast to the world, ever exploring, evolving, experimenting, learning, & adapting. nothing stays the same. nothing. i read this when i was sixteen. there was apart of my spirituality, intellect, emotionality, (depth) of myself that i kept sacred in myself. my self learning & discovery was private. thus i was much more superficial & a social butterfly with everyone in my life & was influenced into certain groups of friends that i had fun with, yet was not that in tune with in my younger years on through adulthood. i have always had an aloofness about me. i have always felt a deep disconnect within my peer group, yet, when we are younger we tend to go with our peer group, go with the flow of society. i was drawn to the social & artistic side of my schooling & did not fare well with traditional academia, its like i refused to be taught. i taught myself with subjects of my interest from my parents library when i was not in school, that’s where i learned. i was reading in -depth advanced books on subjects that were not even taught in school. all of the core subjects & then some. so much psychology & philosophy, science & art, etc….  i’m self taught. people older than me would try to keep me conditioned,why can’t you be like everyone else?” “why can’t you follow the script of society?” Darbi Dunbar .the groups of friends i was friends with in school were rebellious, either nasty, manipulative, mean girls that i eventually got away from, or new age hippie rebel crew, yet i longed to be in theater & have different friends, i felt trapped. i would rather sing 60’s folk songs on stage or in the garden at lunch time dressed in my 60’s/90’s bohemian outfit, then go to a stifling class & listen to a teacher i didn’t like, on subjects i wasn’t interested in or felt forced into, in an institutionalized place, under bright fluorescent lights in a claustrophobic room, & a grueling school schedule. i dreaded it. i would feel free going to art or interior design class where everyone was creative & the room was spacious, colorful, with big open windows with fresh air & lower lighting, with a fantastic & inspiring teacher. in our younger years on into adulthood, self discovery & evolving continues. we endlessly experiment. at my deepest core i knew who i was, sacred, deep, pure, & very self aware, ever evolving my deepest essence, yet at the same time trying to follow my path of interests, creative pursuits, & find my way in the world, learning more about myself & the world. i felt thrust into a society that i didn’t understand. it felt like slavery. everyone conditioned by society all doing the same thing, acting the same way, following “the scripts of brainwashed society”. i didn’t get it, thus i connected with other authentic creative people, artists, musicians, philosophers, etc.. that’s where i found resonance. young, immature, naive, sensitive, deep, self exploring, creative people tend to seem really self-absorbed & superficial or in-genuine. this is because, we are mirrors to a society that we don’t fit into, naturally. we are like natural mimes miming the in-authenticity, superficial, unhealthy-ego consciousness, ignorance, selfish, greedy, conditioned, competitive society. its apart of art, to wake people up, to authentic consciousness in ourselves & the world around us, yet at the same time exploring our genuine nature & evolving ourselves at the deepest level as humans in a society we don’t fit into, as artists, musicians, poets, writers, dancers, & philosophers. we are frustrated with the ego consciousness of society. we go through so many different phases of experimenting & exploring humanity & the social construct of things, while deep down remaining truly authentic. when we are young, we seek to grow our ever evolving selves in many different ways & dynamics.we put ourselves in so many different environments to grow & learn. some of us will always be constantly learning & evolving, while so very many stay the same they were when they were young. so, when someone asks me who i am, i simply say i’m ever evolving the deepest aspects of my existence through healing, empowering, integrating, & balancing maturing, my ever present evolving authenticity. i have always been authentic. the definition of authentic is to “be true to oneself” well, that i have been! objective truths: biologically i am female, in brain & body. my dna & genomes determine my biological identity. subjective truths: my soul is that of “freedom”. my evolving, integrating emotions are deep, my ever learning intellect, deep, my spirit feels ancient. my creativity feels endless. my “healthy” ego consciousness is what i feel validated by, what i feel to be true & authentic, what my perception of reality is, what level of consciousness i reside in, what i resonate or don’t internally & externally, which is ever evolving. my heart space is my sensing space, also a feeling space, how i feel about things. my expressions space is my evolution of expression, & how i express, which is ever changing, my intuition space is also my creative space that i am always fine tuning. i feel very self aware & in-corruptible. i come to my own conclusions about things, in life, i always have. the world will constantly try to stifle one’s process of “ever evolving”, & fit one into a never changing box, brainwashed & conditioned to be a certain way. the world will always try to keep one in a dense realm of “un-healthy” ego consciousness, to follow the script of society. the world will try to make one into someone one is not. the world will always try to categorize one into some labeled box. the world will try to tell one who one is. the world will try to control one’s mind. i certainly don’t want any part of that. i prefer to be my deepest authentic natural self in tune with my own unique existence ever evolving in harmony with my natural cycles & the cycles of nature & what is authentic in my subjective reality & perceptions about life. continually “becoming” the healthiest, balanced, mature, creative, authentic version of myself. always dedicated to self love of my depth & uniqueness, which has always gotten me through. ~!~

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