a forest abounding in deer

i have a maternal instinct for myself, nature, & animals. i never had a deep maternal instinct to have a child. this is because i have not shared love deeply enough to desire such a union & procreation. i have thought, maybe i would want a child someday with the right person, yet that hasn’t happened for me, thus i have had no desire to procreate a child, i have had the opposite feeling, now, & in the past. i was very cautious with my moon cycle & or protection in relationships & experiences not to get pregnant. i have also had enough psychological birth control to wane my desire for a child. the society itself is absurd with over-population, parent-less children, ways of society & communities that are not resonant for how i would raise a child, the way certain things are set up where single mothers or starting a family is such a struggle in many ways, especially financially. i have also seen so many single mothers & couples struggle, i have seen women get pregnant with men they don’t love or visa versa & are forever connected with that man or woman, or a man who is abusive. i have seen so many superficial or immature marriages end after just a short while, leaving kids in the middle of sometimes very unhealthy situations. this has all been great birth control for me. not to mention the tenacity of what it takes to raise a child.
i’m a late bloomer in some ways, i’m still mothering myself. i’m highly sensitive Infp, so i’m sincerely particular about my life. i have narrowed my life path down to resonance & i know how to live my life & dreams at this phase of my life. finding balance & flowing with life with more inner peace & wholeness, while pursuing my passions. this also means more independence & financial stability. being whole in myself & living in resonant harmony, grounding my dreams is important. 
i feel i would be too immature for motherhood at this phase of my life, my desire is to mother myself, i myself still feel like a child sometimes, i’m still maturing. also, i married myself, i’m in a relationship with myself at this phase of my life. the desire for a relationship is not there. in future time perhaps, i may feel the desire to be in a relationship. even if i do find myself in a relationship in the future, i would never bring a child into this world unless it is a union of deep love & devotion, & something we both really wanted.
i would not raise my child like most people do.
love & security is everything to me when raising a child. having supportive people around is important. everything in my child’s upbringing would be all natural & we would have an old fashioned life with nature. limited technology if any at all. i would be a stay at home/work from home mother & dedicate my time to loving & raising my child, i would not let day cares, baby sitters & technology have energy what so ever in raising my child. reading, learning, creativity, play, gardening, adventure, travel would be my child’s activities. i would create a wholesome & creative life. i would do alternative life/academic schooling with other like minded parents. i would enroll them in khan academy & other community events worth while. i would be an unbiased teacher with my child & teach her or him to be a free thinker. i would not brain wash or sugar coat anything about the world when she or he is old enough to learn about the world. i would focus on my child’s unique energy & talents, i would flourish that. i would be a freedom loving mother & encourage independence of self. i would protect her or him from society, yet teach her or him about it, so when he/she is old enough he/she would make wise decisions. love, teaching & communication would be my disciple. healthy expression, communication & mannerisms would be important to teach my child. inter- personal relationships & life would be important to teach my child also. having a healthy, well rounded, stable, self loving, well educated child would be important to me. there would be no need to be strict, if there was nothing to be strict about. i would keep anything nasty, corrupt, & violent or dense energy away from my child. i would not have any alcohol or habit around them that may corrupt them. i would think about letting my young one have access to the world wide web when he/she is maybe seventeen. basically, i would live off the grid as much as possible in the wilderness with my family. i would also be as private as possible, i would never exploit my child via posting pictures anywhere online, children are too young to understand consent & when they got older they may not appreciate the exploitation. children have rights & they shouldn’t be violated. if i had a daughter or son, i would give her or him a deer name. one of the meanings of my name Darbi means “a forest abounding in deer” or ” deer mother “http://www.20000-names.com/animal_deer_names.htm
my most prominent spirit animal
When you have the deer as spirit animal, you are highly sensitive and have a strong intuition. By affinity with this animal, you have the power to deal with challenges with grace. You master the art of being both determined and gentle in your approach. The deer totem wisdom imparts those with a special connection with this animal with the ability to be vigilant, move quickly, and trust their instincts to get out the trickiest situations.

What is the meaning of the deer totem?

The meanings associated with the deer combine both soft, gentle qualities with strength and determination:

  • Gentleness
  • Ability to move through life and obstacles with grace
  • Being in touch with inner child, innocence
  • Being sensitive and intuitive
  • Vigilance, ability to change directions quickly
  • Magical ability to regenerate, being in touch with life’s mysteries

Dear spirit animal, symbol of gentleness and heart energy

When you have the deer as spirit animal, you are able to bring gentleness and grace in every aspects of your life, even in the most challenging moments. By inspiration from the deer’s qualities, you can achieve ambitious goals and tackle difficult situation smoothly with a touch of gentleness and grace.

The deer spirit animal will remind you to be gentle with yourself and others. The grace and gentleness characteristic of this spirit animal echo the qualities brought forth when living from the heart. For example, the traditional symbol used for the heart chakra has the deer (sometimes also represented as an antelope) as emblematic animal of the energy of love and harmony with oneself and others.

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The power of the deer: Grace & determination

The deer horns are great means of defending and asserting yourself. Being gentle does not being being defenseless. With the deer as a power animal on your side, you can be strongly determined and gentle at the same time.

Deer totem wisdom and innocence

Another quality that the deer spirit animal brings to those who have a connection with it is a felt sense of their own inner gentleness, a clear connection with the innocence of their inner child. The spirit of the deer reveals to you a fresh perspective on old issues. Takes advantage of this opportunity to revise and reverse patterns of thought or behavior that no longer serve you.


A mystical totem animal, symbol of regeneration of life and heart energy

The deer’s antlers can grow back once they fall. Because of this characteristic, this animal has been revered in many traditions as a symbol of life regeneration. There’s a cloud of mystery around this ability that gives the deer a magical and mystical quality. If you have the deer as power animal, you could tap into life’s magical ability to renew itself.

A spirit guide to develop sensitivity and intuitive powers

If the deer has chosen you as your spirit or totem animal, you may be called to use or develop your sensitivity at various levels in your life. This animal powers guide you to refine your intuition and psychic abilities. You can refine your receptivity and use your senses and intuition to reach farther out.

The deer spirit and vigilance

Those with the deer as animal totem may be inclined to be constantly on the move, being on the look out for the next opportunity. By affinity with this spirit animal, you may also be watchful of your “predators”, which translate into a tendency to be sometimes overly cautious. It takes time for you to trust someone or feel safe in your environment.

You can invoke the power of the deer to guide you in getting accustomed to new surroundings and people. This spirit guide might show up in your life to warn you encourage you to trust your instinct. The deer spirit animal will also show up in your life to encourage you to take some time by yourself in a quiet environment to rest or in nature. It invites you to find rest and peace in silence.


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