a deer in headlights
# personal writing # woman in the world # psychology # sociology # humanities # highly sensitive # infp # psychological empathy # becoming the headlights
as a highly sensitive, infp, psychological empath, loner woman in the world, empowering & integrating in myself among the madness & insanity of the world, & as a writer, I write from my whole being, i’m a raw writer & amature philosopher. writing is cathartic for me, that’s why I began writing in the first place, then with my love of philosophy I began to philosophize within my writing & poetry. I write through all of my chakras, through my experiences, knowledge, & wisdom. I write this for myself & other women who may resonate with me. whether you are a woman alone living somewhere, or traveling alone………..this writing may be for you.
as a gorgeous, highly sensitive, introverted ambivert, infp, psychological empathetic, intelligent & empowering woman & a loner in the world, may be one of the most difficult, challenging, traumatizing, experiences a woman can have. I have found, in my own journey in life, that through the ecstatic & awful experiences I have had, I have learned how to heal, empower, & integrate myself more than your average woman. when woman is alone in the world, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, & financially (some or all levels of aloneness) in an insane society, whether self imposed individualized independence of aloneness or not, is a most interesting experience.
poetically, I can tell you, through my own experiences, (disempowered or empowered) at times, it is like being a deer wandering around a city, that was once a paradise, where now deer hunters live. it is equivalent to that experience. it is like having deer butchers as your neighbors, it is like running & darting poisonous arrows, constantly, while being blinded by headlights coming at you from all directions, while the people behind the wheels are tripping on acid. it’s like going places where deer heads are hung on walls for trophies & game. it is like running from people with slingshots & guns. it is having to deal with maniacal people in camouflage.
it feels like your consciousness level is stripped of its fur, & you are hanging raw with other people’s lies about you burned into your raw flesh, & a tag on your ear, for a game meal.
I have felt this way, since I was nineteen, alone in the world.
I don’t recommend it.
things a woman alone in the world may experience & things I wish I knew at nineteen years on this planet.
~ people thinking you are lonely (there is a difference between loneliness & aloneness, most people do not know how to be alone) people feeling sorry for you because of their assumption & their own inner loneliness (guaranteed)
~ people assuming that you are “lacking” in your life because of your chosen independence, through any phases of your life(guaranteed)
~ feeling lonely sometimes, when surrounded by dissonant people as opposed to being alone (guaranteed)
~ being individualized, validated in oneself, independent, & alone often, (naïve or not) people may think there is something wrong with you, people fear women who are whole all by themselves, & don’t need validation from the outside world. (guaranteed)
~ people thinking you are wise & courageous all of the time, not needing anyone, the spiritually, mentally, emotionally, strong psyche of the alone woman is often times ignored, because people assume you are always wise & empowered. (guaranteed)
~ men disapproving of your intelligence & independent nature
most men are intimidated by intelligent women, you may be called everything you are not, just for being intelligent & independent. (guaranteed)
~ people not understanding the nature of the free spirit, & your naivete, kindness & spirited essence being extremely misunderstood (especially from people of the 3d consciousness level) (guaranteed)
~ you may be called a whore, oh & often. even if you are not flirting, promiscuous, or dating. if you are single & attractive you are a threat to a lot of women who are not single, apparently, & men who are in their 3d consciousness actually thinking that you are a whore, even if you are friendly, flirtatious, or dating, yet are not so with married or attached men.
~ if being called a whore plenty of times isn’t bad enough, you may be called some type of a voodoo priestess, gold digger, witch, alien, or c.i.a governmental worker or private investigator. do you think i’m kidding? i’m not. that is how crazy the society is.
~ men will fight each other for you to be apart of their circuses, may the best man win? I guess? huh. you are not affiliated with anyone but yourself, this makes you vulnerable for men to try to infiltrate you into their ego circuses.
~ people will try to take advantage of you on all levels, all of the time. there is no one around to protect you or no witnesses. (guaranteed)
~ with that being said, people may want you to die for all of their sins, lies, projections, & grievances, even what they have done to you personally, again, there is no one around to protect you, no witnesses, you may be naïve & vulnerable to the most psychotic of people. sometimes this may happen all at once with forty or more people at the same time. some people use technology for this sort of torture on highly sensitive, pure soul women who are alone.
~ people in places around people who are familiar, family, friends, acquaintances in communities may ostracize the alone woman who is self aware, independent, validated from within, intelligent, quiet & (may be naïve) & kind to all . (depending upon the consciousness level of the people)
~ you will be the one to blame for everything, ever, even when nothing is your fault, psychologically sick people individually, or collectively need someone to blame, someone to try to ruin, someone to try to take the bad attention off of themselves & put it on an un suspecting gorgeous woman who is alone, with no one to protect her, stand up for her, stand beside her, with no one witnessing her life. you are the perfect! target. your reputation will become so tainted by the collective reputation of everyone else’s bad reputation projected onto you. even if you are so pure & such a good woman. you will be blamed even for the things someone’s calico cat did.
~ you will be taunted & talked about & people will assume & say the opposite things as to who you are, what you do, how feel & how you think .you will be mansplained all of the time (guaranteed)
~ at some point you will be physically, emotionally, & or psychologically raped (guaranteed)
~you may have so many people hating on you, & you have no idea why. the gossip about you will become so psychotic & absurd & the insanity of people so cruel, because you are accused of everything, & all of the lies made up about you
~ because you live your life unaffected by what I have written here,(most of the time) because you are more introverted, self focused, healed, empowered or empowering, integrating, inner peacing & living your life or evolving in your life, people will do what I have written above ten fold to you, (online & in life) they want to have power over you, because the one thing you have (self empowerment & inner validation) is the one thing they lack. in this case opposites attract.
~in your naivete, people will accuse you of being sly, when you are sly, as a form of protection (naïve or not, like giving someone your nickname or spirit name or fake cell phone ), people will accuse you of naivete, when you are slyly naïve (guaranteed)
~people will try to figure you out, because they don’t know how to figure themselves out. these people are easy to figure out ~!~
~if you are private (reserved) in your life, yet an open book with your self expressions of artistic expressions, writing, philosophies & are a deeply self aware, self loving, inner validated feminine feminist who is attractive, intelligent, & empowered, & is not afraid to speak your mind (online & in life) & you are alone online & in life, people will assume they know you, as if apart of your life, assume so many things about you, misunderstand your perspective reality & consciousness level, use what you express against you & manipulate you, try to humiliate you, spread lies & gossip about you, chew off of you, stalk & harass you, hate you for your expressions, feelings, thoughts, & beliefs, people may try to destroy you in many ways, this includes vast amounts of total strangers. (guaranteed)
~you may feel like you don’t belong anywhere, & you may feel quiet satisfied about that, yet sad about the unconsciousness & ugliness of the world.
~ people may underestimate you all of the time, even when you have no idea you are being sized up for a gang stalking of some kind (online or in life)
~ you may be deeply at peace in yourself or attaining as such, even if your surroundings are so not to your satisfactory, being an alone woman, you learn to make the best of everything in life, every day & you learn great coping strategies.
~ your perceptual reality & consciousness level is so different & acute, than those who constantly surround themselves with other people’s presence, emotional & mental energy, mind chatter & that of the unconsciousness insane world. you are free of mind viruses that run rampant in mob psychologies.
~ you learn the art of being detached & impartial to everything, empowered apathy/empathy & emotional & psychological wellness, while still being sensitive to that which deserves your attention.
~you may deal with post traumatic stress, from people constantly trying to rape you in some way, you may develop narcissistic tendencies from dealing with psychopaths & sociopaths so often. narc tends is a form of protection, because you only have yourself to protect. you may try to escape the ptsd, through healthy ways of healing, empowering, (knowledge is empowerment), integrating, implementing & inner peaceing & equalizing in yourself & life, or re routing your life in order to do so, & by being creative & doing things you love. or through unhealthy escaping through alcohol or other self numbing pursuits, including the feeling of wanting to disappear from the ptsd, because people won’t leave you alone.
~you may be stalked & harassed on & off, online & in life, especially from bitter men you decided to have no connection with, women are taught to be gentle with the male ego, yet men are not taught to be gentle with women in any way what so ever, or respecting a woman’s wishes.
~you may deal with narcissistic tendencies from dealing with psychopaths & sociopaths, in this way (the deer becomes the headlights in the headlights)
from my personal experiences, narcissistic tendencies simply means over empowered & over protective of my self love & an expression of such, an expression of my inner validation, exuded outward. being turned inside out, because the opposite energy was attracted to me in some way, thus my natural inclination was to express what is in myself, brought forward from opposing energies. ( a woman forced to empower herself in a disempowering world for women) in essence teaching others to love themselves by example. also, the darkness of this in becoming the deer (me) becoming the headlights in the headlights, mirroring, mocking, & miming what is in front of me, or sarcasm & a lyrical lashing. ( a form of low conscious defense)
when you put a deer in front of headlights the deer becomes the headlights (nature/nurture) phenomenon
~people may not believe the things you have been through, you may be victim blamed & called a liar because your psyche is so pure, sane, & intelligently unaffected & you are healed & empowered with your articulate expressions. its called having a strong psyche, yet if dealing with ptsd you may not be empowered enough upon expressing yourself.
~people may rally against you, & you may not know the reason why, so you just say hi! for some reason, this angers them more.
~ no matter where you go, where you live, if you are an attractive, (naïve or not), alone, highly sensitive, psychological empath, intelligent, independent woman who owns herself, & a pure spirit who is vulnerable because of being alone, all of the above writing in this post may, or will eventually happen.
~some men will project everything onto you & be extremely abusive & threatening to you, because you don’t have a significant man in your life to beat the living qhit out of them & make their life a living hell for years on end, or teach them the value of respecting a princess & righteous goddess. & or the only man that would do that for you is dead.
~ you learn to protect yourself ten fold & then you may join a religion that protects women,(you may become subservient to men in a religion for their protection & the protection of a prophet in the words of a god, that you infuse into yourself & life, & think that is the only way for women & humanity ) or become increasingly particular about who you surround yourself with (that of total resonance) or, live alone away from society & have nothing to do with the insanity of the systemic madness of society.