communication

i’m assertive in my most balanced state. i become aggressive if i’m not balanced when dealing with passive-aggressive- manipulative people. i think passive- aggressive -manipulative people are the unhealthiest & wreck havoc on the assertive types! passive -aggressive- manipulative people, incite imbalance in healthy assertive people & submissive people. sometimes healthy assertive people, if empathetic & dis-empowered, just become aggressive, because they are acting out the aggression that the passive-aggressive -manipulative types are constantly projecting onto the healthy assertive types. passive- aggressive- manipulative types are the clog in the drain, they are the passive types trying to be balanced assertive yet not quite there, thus they are passive- aggressive-manipulating types, inciting  havoc on passive types & assertive types, sometimes inciting aggressiveness in assertive types. aggressive types are assertive types that took too much qhit from passive- aggressive- manipulative types, thus become aggressive, like i said passive -aggressive -manipulative types are the clog in the drain, the ultimate succubus energy. submissive-passive- aggressive-manipulative types are like a poison that reeks. at least with assertive types or aggressive types you get “their” truth, & an honest expression as such.

Learning to identify the different communication styles – and recognising which one we use most often in our daily interactions with friends, family and colleagues – is essential if we want to develop effective, assertive communication skills. But how can we tell the difference between the styles, and is there a time and place for each one in certain situations?
Being assertive means respecting yourself and other people. It is the ability to clearly express your thoughts and feelings through open, honest and direct communication.

Becoming more assertive does not mean that you will always get what you want – but, it can help you achieve a compromise. And even if you don’t get the outcome you want, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you handled the situation well, and that there are no ill feelings between you and the other person or people involved in the discussion.

Communicating assertively is not a skill reserved for the very few – anyone can do it – but, it does take time and practice if it is not how you are used to communicating. Fortunately, it is a technique you can practice and master at home in your own time – either by yourself or with a friend you can trust to give you honest feedback. Remember to also think about how the person you are talking to may react and how best you might cope with this.

Before deciding that you would like to communicate assertively, you need to have an understanding of what your usual style of communication is. There are five communication styles, and while many of us may use different styles in different situations, most will fall back on one particular style, which we use as our ‘default’ style.

The Five Communication Styles
Assertive
Aggressive
Passive-aggressive
Submissive
Manipulative
Different sorts of behaviour and language are characteristic of each.

The Assertive Style
Assertive communication is born of high self-esteem. It is the healthiest and most effective style of communication – the sweet spot between being too aggressive and too passive. When we are assertive, we have the confidence to communicate without resorting to games or manipulation. We know our limits and don’t allow ourselves to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us. Surprisingly, however, Assertive is the style most people use least.

Behavioural Characteristics
Achieving goals without hurting others
Protective of own rights and respectful of others’ rights
Socially and emotionally expressive
Making your own choices and taking responsibility for them
Asking directly for needs to be met, while accepting the possibility of rejection
Accepting compliments
Non-Verbal Behaviour
Voice – medium pitch and speed and volume
Posture – open posture, symmetrical balance, tall, relaxed, no fidgeting
Gestures – even, rounded, expansive
Facial expression – good eye contact
Spatial position – in control, respectful of others
Language
“Please would you turn the volume down? I am really struggling to concentrate on my studies.”
“I am so sorry, but I won’t be able to help you with your project this afternoon, as I have a dentist appointment.”
People on the Receiving end Feel
They can take the person at their word
They know where they stand with the person
The person can cope with justified criticism and accept compliments
The person can look after themselves
Respect for the person
The Aggressive Style
This style is about winning – often at someone else’s expense. An aggressive person behaves as if their needs are the most important, as though they have more rights, and have more to contribute than other people. It is an ineffective communication style as the content of the message may get lost because people are too busy reacting to the way it’s delivered.

Behavioural Characteristics
Frightening, threatening, loud, hostile
Willing to achieve goals at expense of others
Out to “win”
Demanding, abrasive
Belligerent
Explosive, unpredictable
Intimidating
Bullying
Non-Verbal Behaviour
Voice – volume is loud
Posture – ‘bigger than’ others
Gestures – big, fast, sharp/jerky
Facial expression – scowl, frown, glare
Spatial position – Invade others’ personal space, try to stand ‘over’ others
Language
“You are crazy!”
“Do it my way!”
“You make me sick!”
“That is just about enough out of you!”
Sarcasm, name-calling, threatening, blaming, insulting.
People on the Receiving end Feel
Defensive, aggressive (withdraw or fight back)
Uncooperative
Resentful/Vengeful
Humiliated/degraded
Hurt
Afraid
A loss of respect for the aggressive person
Mistakes and problems are not reported to an aggressive person in case they “blow up’. Others are afraid of being railroaded, exploited or humiliated.
The Passive-Aggressive Style
This is a style in which people appear passive on the surface, but are actually acting out their anger in indirect or behind-the-scenes ways. Prisoners of War often act in passive-aggressive ways in order to deal with an overwhelming lack of power. People who behave in this manner usually feel powerless and resentful, and express their feelings by subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments – even if this ends up sabotaging themselves. The expression “Cut off your nose to spite your face” is a perfect description of passive-aggressive behaviour.

Behavioural Characteristics
Indirectly aggressive
Sarcastic
Devious
Unreliable
Complaining
Sulky
Patronising
Gossips
Two-faced – Pleasant to people to their faces, but poisonous behind their backs (rumours, sabotage etc.) People do things to actively harm the other party e.g. they sabotage a machine by loosening a bolt or put too much salt in their food.
Non-Verbal Behaviour
Voice – Often speaks with a sugary sweet voice.
Posture – often asymmetrical – e.g. Standing with hand on hip, and hip thrust out (when being sarcastic or patronising)
Gestures – Can be jerky, quick
Facial expression – Often looks sweet and innocent
Spatial position – often too close, even touching other as pretends to be warm and friendly
Language
Passive-aggressive language is when you say something like “Why don’t you go ahead and do it; my ideas aren’t very good anyway” but maybe with a little sting of irony or even worse, sarcasm, such as “You always know better in any case.”
“Oh don’t you worry about me, I can sort myself out – like I usually have to.”
People on the Receiving end Feel
Confused
Angry
Hurt
Resentful
The Submissive Style
This style is about pleasing other people and avoiding conflict. A submissive person behaves as if other peoples’ needs are more important, and other people have more rights and more to contribute.

Behavioural Characteristics
Apologetic (feel as if you are imposing when you ask for what you want)
Avoiding any confrontation
Finding difficulty in taking responsibility or decisions
Yielding to someone else’s preferences (and discounting own rights and needs)
Opting out
Feeling like a victim
Blaming others for events
Refusing compliments
Inexpressive (of feelings and desires)
Non-Verbal Behaviour
Voice – Volume is soft
Posture – make themselves as small as possible, head down
Gestures – twist and fidget
Facial expression – no eye contact
Spatial position – make themselves smaller/lower than others
Submissive behaviour is marked by a martyr-like attitude (victim mentality) and a refusal to try out initiatives, which might improve things.
Language
“Oh, it’s nothing, really.”
“Oh, that’s all right; I didn’t want it anymore.”
“You choose; anything is fine.”
People on the Receiving end Feel
Exasperated
Frustrated
Guilty
You don’t know what you want (and so discount you)
They can take advantage of you.
Others resent the low energy surrounding the submissive person and eventually give up trying to help them because their efforts are subtly or overtly rejected.
The Manipulative Style
This style is scheming, calculating and shrewd. Manipulative communicators are skilled at influencing or controlling others to their own advantage. Their spoken words hide an underlying message, of which the other person may be totally unaware.

Behavioural Characteristics
Cunning
Controlling of others in an insidious way – for example, by sulking
Asking indirectly for needs to be met
Making others feel obliged or sorry for them.
Uses ‘artificial’ tears
Non-Verbal Behaviour
Voice – patronising, envious, ingratiating, often high pitch
Facial expression – Can put on the ‘hang dog” expression
Language
“You are so lucky to have those chocolates, I wish I had some. I can’t afford such expensive chocolates.”
“I didn’t have time to buy anything, so I had to wear this dress. I just hope I don’t look too awful in it.” (‘Fishing’ for a compliment).
People on the Receiving end Feel
Guilty
Frustrated
Angry, irritated or annoyed
Resentful
Others feel they never know where they stand with a manipulative person and are annoyed at constantly having to try to work out what is going on.
Source: The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. 2nd edition. Edmund J Bourne. New Harbinger Publications, Inc. 1995.

The Benefits of Understanding the Different Styles of Communication
A good understanding of the five basic styles of communication will help you learn how to react most effectively when confronted with a difficult person. It will also help you recognise when you are not being assertive or not behaving in the most effective way. Remember, you always have a choice as to which communication style you use. Being assertive is usually the most effective, but other styles are, of course, necessary in certain situations – such as being submissive when under physical threat (a mugging, hijacking etc.).

Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. Once you understand your own communication style, it is much easier to identify any shortcomings or areas which can be improved on, if you want to start communicating in a more assertive manner.

If you’re serious about strengthening your relationships, reducing stress from conflict and decreasing unnecessary anxiety in your life, practice being more assertive. It will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt and build better relationships both personally and professionally.

Remember the first rule of effective communication: The success of the communication is the responsibility of the communicator.

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beauty

the art of beauty (symmetry is wholy )
perfection beauty is found in nature, perfection beauty can be scientifically measured by symmetry. whether one is shorter, taller, curvier, thinner, prominent features or less so, perfection beauty is symmetry. some people say perfection is boring, i say its nature.

my favorite quote about beauty ( a good reminder for everyone)
“beauty looks like encouragement, patience, acceptance, forgiveness (what is forgivable), carefulness & compassion, beauty is spiritual & physical.” ~ Erykah Badu

 

self awareness

only my subconscious mind/spirit is allowed to bring forth conscious interpretation of who i am on multi-dimensional levels. no outside force or projection determines who i am one bit. and who one is and what be·hav·ior one brings forth to me does not determine who i am as a person, only my attitude or response to the energy brought forth, weather on a higher or lower level of consciousness at any given multi- dimensional time space reality. people may paint vastly different pictures of who i am, that is only their interpretation/understanding/subjective reality/dimensional time space/or straight up psychosis they reside in, which holds little to no truth as to who i am. i am an individual, empowered times two, one that is not easily controlled or manipulated by idiotic perceptions. no one influences who i am and my ever evolving self. this is the art of individuality and the true essence of freedom.

i love shifting my own consciousness to my ever evolving self. there is no such thing is a more authentic version for myself, as i am ever evolving and have always been authentic no matter what phase of life i’m in. no one is allowed to shift my consciousness but me, i don’t allow mind control. the people that try to challenge me, make me laugh, i try to tell them to challenge themselves, i direct the fulfillment of my own dreams, someone may show me the door if i ask, but i direct my own life, i don’t see my shadow in others, i see other peoples shadows period, i’m an empath that has learned from experiences with very shadowy shady people. and no, i won’t follow the light bringers, most of them are pretty fake in spirit. magic is afoot, and i am my own magic maker. ~!~

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free thought

as a free thinker, i love learning, i absorb certain knowledge and my own wisdom really well, yet i will not be “taught” something that is sold as an ideology, an epiphany, dogma, fuzzy logic, academically -(unless base logic is being taught), product, or service. this is the way society is in the third dimension, ego consciousness. for me as an individual i am self taught, and refuse to be taught by anything or anyone i find dissonance with. i reach for intellect that resonates with my own. life is subjective, yet reaching for objective truths that are based on logic is the highest form of intelligence in my opinion. one could look at my facebook profile and assume i am “selling myself”, this type of thinking is ego consciousness, and a projection, they probably “sell themselves”. i am more 2nd 4th and 6th dimensional, thus my consciousness stems from the realm of creativity, feeling, free thinking and learning on my own. self intelligent, self aware, highly intuitive, becoming super conscious. my intrinsic need to learn about my self and creatively express myself in the realm and frequency i reside in is what makes me more right brained yet balanced, more introverted yet ambivert more of an expressive artist from my creative tridoshas. i’m also an infp/j with my chiron in aries, thus super self intelligent and artistic, exphielledoshic. self intelligence is the highest form of intelligence, and to express as such is vibrant and beautiful. thus i free think with logic and my self intelligence with wisdom and express. everyone has the right to be themselves, express, and create. if more people were self intelligent, and free thinkers the world would be a different place, the world would be a place of “free thinkers”.

Darbi Dunbar

Darbi Dunbar https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freethought

The cognitive application of freethought is known as “freethinking”, and practitioners of freethought are known…
EN.WIKIPEDIA.ORG

fear, ignorance, and power of human unconsciousness is destroying the planet. the fear is so prevalent, that the truth(which is ultimately love & wholistic science), intelligence, and empowerment (which is inner power, not seeking to have power over others) is what is being super feared. so messed up. ~!~

Our entire culture suffers from what the shamans call “soul loss,” a loss of meaning, direction, vitality, mission, purpose, identity, and genuine connection; a deep unhappiness that most of us have come to consider as simply ordinary. (that is the collective unconsciousness )
ॐ free thought ॐ instead of brainwashing & mob psychologies is what is needed 

i’m glad i’m not one of those people, (i’m not too connected to the mob psychology, i’m such an individual )i have always had a sense of identity, ever evolving in my own personal wholeness within, i have always sought within, i have always found subjective personal meaning in myself and in my life, on my personal path of enlightenment, and through that, have found my purpose which led to my own inner inspiration and vitality, though i have been naive and distracted in my life on my path at times, which made me off balance in my direction sometimes, though has taught me lessons of empowerment, which only made me have a strength in purpose. everything is found within oneself, never outside of oneself.

i think the world needs more consciousness & enlightenment

i think the world needs more free thinking & intelligence

 

i think the world needs more love, if one loves oneself, one will share the love and highlight the light they see in those they resonate with, because they have enough light and love flowing within. they will show resonating people they know & love how divine they are, because the divinity is within the divine, its sad when people don’t recognize their own light within.

forgiveness


integrity is wholeness

integrity

the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

integrity is subjective & objective. people hold different morals, principles, & values, thus in this way integrity is subjective. being honest, having honest expressions, is objective integrity. assertiveness & direct expression of oneself is integrity, anything else is a fractured consciousness. there is sickness in the psyche within fractured consciousness. a whole healthy consciousness is like a thriving healthy vital symmetrical being, like a vibrant healthy leaf on a tree.

living in a world that is fragmented & not integrated (most people are fragmented) there is a lack of integrity. you see this in almost all realms of the systemic societies. there is such a lack of integrity in many people.

when we are young we are integrating into our wholeness from the fragmented society & our upbringings. some of us un-condition ourselves from what we are taught by society, explore ourselves in dynamic contrast to the world, finding what resonates & what doesn’t, finding who we truly are & our purpose in an integrated way. we un-condition, heal, empower, & integrate what we learn subjectivity & objectively, this is how we become whole in an authentic sense. we find out what we value in life & what we do not. you can not know your values without knowing yourself on deeper levels.

integrity is the art of integrating into wholeness, which is a journey of ever evolving.

when we are young we may explore many different things, approaches to life, perspectives on things, in this way, what we value is ever changing, as we flow into our integrating.
so if we explore & learn something, we may find resonance or dissonance with what we explore, we may evolve as we determine new things about ourselves & the world.

we may change our life paths, directions, etc several times before we find what resonates, what we need, what works best for us, what vibes with our flow, if you don’t explore these aspects of life, you’ll never know, oh the places you’ll go. giggles! (sorry i had to get Dr. Suess esque there)

i have used this saying for the longest time. “don’t think i’m the same person i was yesterday as i am today, for i learned a lot yesterday.”

some of us evolve at lightning speed, i know i do in my consciousness. it is proven that every seven years our bodies have changed so much over that time, that we have completely new bodies every seven years. this is the same with our emotional, mental, & conscious states of being, thus our values may be completely different as well.

some may say that integrity is acting, feeling, & thinking in accordance to one’s word & being honest. yet words are mire expressions of our emotional & thinking states which are ever changing.

for example: people enter friendships, relationships, marriages, partnerships, jobs, situations or whatever, & perhaps there is a certain promise, commitment, or uprightness to be held in the dialog of such interactions. morale, values, principles, in accordance to actions, emotions, thinking in accord with our word. though, our actions, emotions, thinking, may change with in such circumstances, so if a relationship becomes unhealthy & is no longer resonate in harmony, to be authentic to oneself & act with integrity is to be honest in one’s actions, emotions, thinking & expressions & change directions or exist the relationship. that’s integrity.

if a fully integrated person in their wholeness is very self aware on their path & truly in tune with their emotions, intellect, actions, in accordance to their dialog at any given moment, that is living with integrity.

integrity, naivete, & dis-empowerment

if one is living with integrity yet is naive/dis-empowered in a very fragmented, corrupt, & ill society………..good luck.
people will lie, cheat, steal, use, try to corrupt, abuse, exploit, demean, & rob your soul. this is what happens to many women in societies. thus to live with integrity, self aware, yet aware to the world as it is, is empowerment. one must have “cleverness” to survive in the third dimensional chaos.

clev·er
ˈklevər/
adjective
quick to understand, learn, and devise or apply ideas; intelligent.
“a clever and studious young woman”
synonyms: intelligent, bright, smart, astute, sharp, quick-witted, shrewd;
skilled at doing or achieving something; talented.
“he was clever at getting what he wanted”
synonyms: skillful, dexterous, adroit, adept, deft, nimble, handy;
showing intelligence or skill; ingenious.
“a simple but clever idea for helping people learn computing”
synonyms: ingenious, canny, cunning, crafty, artful, slick, neat
“a clever scheme”

if you are one of those people who believes most people are good….you are stupid.

if the system is exploiting & cheating people in all ways, perhaps i may protect my integrity by being clever.
do i want my address, phone number, & personal information exploited for the world to have access to? with the past that i have, of being stalked, harassed, & hated on by some people………..no way.

if psychotic men are trying to get at me, strangers or otherwise, i may protect my integrity, i may be “clever”. in a dog eat dog world, i would rather be a jaguar. as a now empowered woman, do you think i’m going to give my personal information to a total stranger? you’ve got to be kidding me. i protect myself so much, in all ways, physically, emotionally, mentally, & energetically. i have every right to. in this regard, my number one value is safety. i choose safety to protect my integrity. i honor myself enough to protect myself. i’m being true to my values, my principles, my uprightness, by honoring what i value most, safety. this is my subjective integrity in a world gone mad. i have learned the difficult way that my trust has to be earned, not freely given. as long as i’m being true to myself, i could care less about other. i will protect myself from the ugly ego consciousness of the world as long as i live.

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self expression

 

the world will superficially judge you no matter what you express, think, & do. people will only see you from their perception of reality, people will only understand you from their subjective reality. so, if one is assertive (straight forward) & pure in consciousness of the highest, subjectively & objectively, most people will be blind to your conscious perception & state of reality, pay such people no mind. ~!~

i’m responsible for what i express, not what is understood.

 

on validation

Osho had said ~ why should one want to be verified, validated by others? If you know on your own, if you have experienced your being & its beauty, joy & its grandeur.

society instills the art of inner invalidation in the psyches of humans. through social constructs, from societies brain washing, parenting, schooling, society in general, particularly main stream society & media. we are groomed to be agents of a certain social order in society & to be consumerists. we are mind controlled to believe trendy psychological illusions of such within the psychological manipulation of invalidation. this way of thinking is ingrained in most people. most people are not validated from within on any level. so they seek verification outside of themselves, other people’s projections of themselves, self love from others through external validation. usually these types of people flock together like a flock of seagulls seeking each other’s validation, approval & verification from society. this is idiocy. without inner validation, these type of people hold a myriad of psychological issues & emotions, being a highly sensitive person with psychological esp, & have had a plethora of experiences with these types of people, (opposite energy attracts & repels) these types of people hold self un-awareness(not truly knowing thyself, by thyself), self love, self glory, healthy ego consciousness, & authentic heart space reality in their subjective perception of thyself & others. thus they find ways to get what they lack, through external verification by following the status quo, being liked (without truly liking themselves), social approval, societies approval, validation in their relationships, intense drive & ambition, high success, societies superficial version of success,( i have my own opinion about success, i have written a post on my timeline about it), temporary external validation to fulfill the lack of validation from within. these people in this thought realm & three dimensional consciousness are competitive, envious, & greedy with each other. they think alike in this way. so in essence they do not hold the essence of what Osho speaks of. this has been difficult for me to understand, i’m one of the people who has held Osho’s wisdom in me naturally, so when i was naive i was confused & did not understand people who didn’t/don’t. i’m a very independent person, & an independent thinker, i’m highly sensitive too, so i have tried to understand this behavior in people, i have mocked it, mimed it, & laughed at such people. wisdom through the years, i have felt lonely because i rarely met people who hold this wisdom within, with their own self awareness, self love, self glory, & validation. i have been saddened by so many people because they do not. i don’t take personal offense to things, i take a second hand offense at the low consciousness people contribute to society & their own psychological issues. i have never needed validation from anyone, however, i desired to be around people who, like me, were ultra validated from within, & this has caused me to end friendships & relationships, it has caused me to feel lonely in a world that feels hopelessly invalidated from within. it has caused me to be projected on, from self unaware, self hating people, unverified people, then me having to run in the other direction, empower, & protect myself. why? because, i was naive & still learning this about people, & didn’t know how to empower myself against such people, & because i felt/feel deeply self aware, self loving, self glorified, self validated, & perhaps other’s have felt their lack being around the opposite energy. its no wonder i have been attacked my whole life by varies groups of inner un-validated people. just being me, feels like having some kind of magic that other’s don’t, & people fear what they don’t know, they don’t understand it, just as i have not understood their lack of inner validation.

a woman who needs no validation from the world, is often times the most feared woman on the planet, the most attacked, the most hated, i have had to enlighten my non understanding, naive nature, aside of so many people who are not like me, with my highly sensitive nature & try to understand it, & say, that’s not my problem, its their projections, their lack of self awareness, self love, their desperate need of verification. i hold myself so sacred, so much more now that i’m more empowered, i’m so private in many ways, reserved in sharing myself & i’m such a princess, i’m validated from within, as i’ve naturally held/hold my essence within, thus i don’t give people the time of day to even try to invalidate me, project, & abuse me, such people are sick. i’m validated by myself, & people who are validated within themselves & hold the same wisdom.

people who are validated within are whole

what does inner validation feel like with more ewpowerment? for me it is

~ flowing in my ever evolving conscious self
~true self awareness physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually
~self love & self glory
~ dignified in self knowledge & wisdom gained from experiences
~ cycles of healing, empowering, integrating, balancing
~ inner peace & serenity even in in the most unpeaceful & most dissonant of consciousness, which is difficult because, i’m a highly sensitive pure soul, in a world that most certainly is not.
~ self knowledge of path & purpose through phases & cycles of my life
~following my dreams & pursuing my creative pursuits
~ doing things that bring me alive for myself & not others or for external validation
~ cultivating wisdom from naivete
~ self focus & self regeneration
~creative self expression
~living in wholeness
~ being revolted by, in resistance to the dissonance from the inner un-validated people
~healthy personal boundaries, knowing one’s comfort level, intense privacy from the insanity, high protection, & resistance to the dissonance
~ selfless apathy
~discernment & detachment
~refusing people’s manipulations, invalidations, projections. being i’m of the opposite energy, why would i let anyone abuse me?
~seeking everything from within, my own validator, self lover, glorifying my existence in the purest expressions, understanding myself in contrast to the world.
~hoping others do the same within themselves, instead of take it out on me & people like me.
~trying not to get sad, annoyed, take second hand offense to people that do take it out on me, yet stand up for my own inner magic & glory.