who am i?

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i think we all ask ourselves, who am i, and why am i here?

isn’t that why we are here? to experience and learn the answers to those questions? to just be, to  live as freely as possible, evolve, learn,  get lost, to be found, (death and rebirth)  only to cycle back to just being? over and over again? is that not what evolving is?  what a wonderful life, just knowing that.  how ecstatic that questioning is, and finding your own answers. i feel i am here to evolve, and create, simply. to evolve into my highest presence. to be free, and seek as much freedom in myself and this life. i feel i am an emt (emergency medical technician  ) freedom warrior to my own soul self and for others also, and i have a reservoir of unique energy, physically and mentally which allows me to free someone from something physically, emotionally, or mentally in emergency situations, i tend to be really good at working under high pressure emergencies when a beings life is in danger. i would make an excellent emt, but the job itself would stress me out if i did that day in and day out. i feel i am here  to learn the art of grace in the cosmic way of being . to climb this mountain of consciousness to the summit of my existence, and stand at the top in awe of life, nature, cosmos in total ecstasy.

i think it is important to know your roots, to know who you are, where you come from, from a biological, geographical, cultural perspective, tracing your roots back and understanding your history in that sense. i think its more important to know your mind, heart, soul, and ever evolving self. i think its most important to know that, you are one with all, and one with the infinite universe, because that energy consciousness is who you truly are.

i think if one is very spiritual and aware of the oneness of life, and is in tune with the spirituality of life, yet not grounded in themselves, meaning, not knowing their roots, full history, and,or earthly presence of how one came to be, one may be susceptible to feeling very lost in oneself. i know i have felt that way in my journey of self discovery. i have felt lost. i  have been in the energy of ungrounded spirituality, trying to understand the cosmos, nature, and life. trying to understand life and the world as a whole and my relation to it, trying to understand my upbringing, societal conditioning, and my experiences in life. trying to understand myself spiritually, psychologically, emotionally and physically. i was looking for answers from within and also, looking outside of myself for answers, experimenting, exploring truths, evolving, and becoming. trying to make sense of everything around me and inside  of me. i think in our young evolution, this is what we do, we seek. this western society and many other societies in the world, teach us to look outside of ourselves for the answers and to look outside ourselves for contentment. this is the paradigm we have been living in. the new paradigm (which is actually an ancient paradigm in the modern world) teaches us that all of the answers are within, and to seek contentment from within. not that exploring objective truth and looking outside ourselves for answers is unimportant, but, looking within to find the questions and answers about ourselves and this life is a path to fulfillment and contentment. i believe one must be grounded in themselves and seek within and ground the wisdom of life experiences and knowledge learned for a wholistic understanding of one’s being. that to me is bridging heaven on earth within, which is needed to bridge heaven on earth without. as above, so below. being grounded in one’s spiritual essence is the most empowering path to inner peace, in my opinion. if we are all connected by cosmic force, then we must ground this knowledge to our earthly presence, to better live with nature and each other rooted as one.

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i was born with soft dark hair, big soft dark brown eyes, aware of my surroundings , with long eye lashes, and quite small in size. i have olive skin, and my hair has naturally changed from  dark  brown ,to brown  to dark brown, my eyes have changed from dark brown to hazel and back to dark brown /hazel.

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recently, i have discovered my “national” heritage, i am of french (my mom’s side), smaller percentage of english (my mom’s side)  irish, (mom’s and dad’s side) (dad’s side) gaelic scottish , norwegian, swedish,  finnish and smaller percentage of german “nationality”. being that i have darker features and an olive skin tone and an rh o-negative blood type, inherited from my mother, that was inherited by her father, who’s from the south of france, my blood is mainly dominant with in my southern french/iberian bloodline. my mother and myself are both dominant  in our genetics with the rh o -negative ancient iberian blood.  race is so much more determined with genetics (dna add mixutre) & bloodline as a opposed to skin deep,  genetics play apart in what features one inherits and which genes are dominate and which are recessive . my mother’s natural hair color is brown yet she has a little more of her mom’s irish skin tone. i have brown hair and an olive skin tone from my maternal grandfather & paternal grandfather & father.

description in full: i have dark hazel olive eyes, olive-honey skin tone, fair in winter, dark tan olive when sun kissed, oval  face shape, elvish ears giggles! small nose, lush lips.

so, to my understanding, and vast research, i am most notably through bloodline-blood type analysis,

my maternal grandfather’s bloodline 0- originated from africa & migration through the middle east, south & central asia as he is of the arabic, mediterranean, spanish origin.

my paternal grand father’s bloodline 0- originated from africa & migration through the middle east & eastern europe to north west europe  (arabic – siberian- urlic finno -black irish – gaelic scottish

my paternal grandmothers bloodline b- originated in south & central asia. (asian -indo-european- siberian- eastern european- scandanavian)   origin

my maternal grandmother ab originated in  east & south asia- japan – siberia- eastern & north west europe  (indo-european -siberian – slovakian- irish)  origin

 

most ancient bloodline 0- comes from bororo brazil -shompen-mayas-nicobarese -somalia-ethiopia-senegal-north africa-(mixing pot)-ancient persia-iraq-iran-sumar-syria-east iberia=(mixing pot)lebanon-armenia- sardinia-(italic-celt)-african berber-
spanish(west iberia) (mixing pot)-basque-french -ireland-scotland
 b- comes from ancient -(central & south asia) pakistan- rajastan- india- bangladesh -bombay-tibet- korea-japan- kalmuks- siberia-urlic-finno-bohemia -hungary- bulgaria 
bloodline ab comes from -tara taras -india- china-canton-peking- japan-czechoslovakia -hungary -poland-england- north ireland (irish celt).    
yin excess; my bloodline correlates with the O ancient bloodline cro magon. recessive, dark, below, feminine, live by the moon, cycles, star knowledge, star-moon astrology, temple builders, nature, bushmen, hunter-gather, nomadic, tribal, shawmen, medicine woman, healers, art and hieroglyphics,  matriarchy, then male dominant ,dominant right-brained, meat/fish eaters, need of protein food chain, colorful, nomads, close to nature, shawmen tribes, tribal oriented, nurturing, receptive, absorbing, defensive, loyal, first species to bury their dead, ritualistic, spiritual, water and river ways, travelers, deep harmonic resonance with each other and earth-sky, dark, ruddy brown, olive, honey yellow skin, dark hair, narrow, slim,round, big eyes, greens, golds. gods goddesses and tribal.
i have done the best at tracing my maternal and paternal families blood type- bloodlines from where they began and the migrations as such through scientific research and studies with in ancient & arabic- urlic -finno- celt-  indo -armenian  indo-iranian , indo-aryan, indo-european cultures and bloodline tracing.

my mom and dad 1979, my mom was pregnant for me

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my mom’s parents/my grandparents

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i need a picture of my great grandparents and great great grandparents from my mom’s side  here yet.

i need a picture of my dad’s parents/grandpa and grandma here yet.

i need a pictures of my great grand parents and great great grandparents from my dad’s side here yet.

rh o- negative blood type origin

rh o- negative bloodline, which is only @ 9% of the worlds population, my rare blood type comes from the ancestral line of the iberians . the highest account of this blood type stems from Brazilian Bororo, The ShompenMayas, Peruvians, The Navajo, & the Nicobarese. west africa, somolia, ethiopia,  morocco, the middle east,  egypt, syria,  lebanon ,iraq, iran, sumar,  sardinia spain, france, ireland

tracing my roots

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my  ancestry through my grandfather’s family on my mom’s side, had his roots on the border of north east spain and the south of france in the catalonia region.

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i have yet to read the book from assyria to iberia.  in ancient times the assyrians were deeply intertwined with the worship of cats. it was a significant theme in their art and life.

http://www.metmuseum.org/exhibitions/listings/2014/assyria-to-Iberia

history of the iberians

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iberians

iberians were influenced by syrian, lebanese ,greek, eygptian, and moroccan art and lifestyle, and did their main trading with moroccans and egyptians.

ancient cave drawings in iberia north spain~ south france border

ancient iberian art

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iberian castle

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france

the history of france

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_France

historical french and french nouveau  art

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basque art

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basque country

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south and  south east of france

045 looking down from the summit

my grandmother on my mother’s side’s family, had her roots in northern ireland . my grandfather’s family on my  father’s side was scottish , some irish and a little  german, and  his family’s  roots were in scotland , hence, dunbar, scotland.

ireland

the history of ireland

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Ireland

scotland

the history of scotland

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Scotland

ancient and new celtic art

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northern ireland

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dunbar scotland, Dunbar castle (then and now)

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Travel - Scotland
Travel – Scotland

my grandmother on my father’s side  is norwegian and sweedish and her family’s roots are from the nordic region.

norway

the history of norway

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Norway

sweden

the history of sweden

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Sweden

ancient nordic art

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norway

webcams_norway Reine-3

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sweeden

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isle royal michigan on lake superior

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empire michigan on lake michigan

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lake huron, me on michigan’s thumb

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northern michigan / lake in cadillac

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i was born from two spirits that loved each other very much stemming from the love movement of the sixties. i was born in northern michigan and raised in the heart of michigan. my first memories of life were in a small home with a lot of land and woods, an abundant garden and vivacious alaskan malamutes , a family living simply and organically with the earth.

i need a picture of my first year of life with my parents  and malamutes

i am a woman from a land that is surrounded by majestic lakes(the great lakes).  i was raised in a small forest filled with deer and butterflies sheltered from the world. in my youngest years i have lived in a couple of different spaces in this land of michigan, and also a coastal land out east for a little time in massachusetts , then back to the heart of michigan, in a little neighborhood for a time, and then moving out to a secluded sub division outside of town with plentiful wildlife next to a beautiful deer park (woods).

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hi, i’m darbi

the small forest with the butterflies and deer was my favorite. i grew up with two hard working parents following their passions, and trying to raise my brother and i. my dad is a neuroscientist and professor and my mom is an administrator in education.  i went to a public school/high school and only really embraced and loved art and science. i was very social, yet shy, and close to my family, even though we all had our busy lives.

IMG_0002me at age 17ish

i went to college to study art, then i went to another college and my interest was in art and psychology to study art therapy. i couldn’t take the harsh winters in  michigan, so i traveled west to the desert in arizona where i went to a healing arts school studying healing arts/ chakra balancing and polarity. i got home sick and moved back to michigan to study fine arts. i was finding myself and exploring life. i realized i am not good with disciplined schedules, i was not driven to succeed, and found the world to be really harsh. i was so  naiive and was not sure how my highly sensitive self could find my ground. i moved to the sub tropical land of florida to work in the art galleries and boutiques, i worked many different creative jobs there and was finding my way in the world and learning how to live on my own. i  did not have any street smarts, or knowledge of the ways of the world. i moved back to michigan for a time then back to florida, then to a mountain range  in north carolina, only to move back to michigan and then back down to florida, hi, where i am right now. i have done some traveling around this vast land known as the united states, and also over seas a couple of times.

Scan21_0021_021me at age 27

in all of the different, magical and not so magical places i have lived or traveled to, i have embraced all of them. just as i have embraced my divine and not so divine experiences in them. just as i embrace the light and the dark in myself and have been trying to do so with others and life, learning emptiness and compassion of where people are at in their unique journeys, and trying to have patience and mindfully not take in other’s unevolved behavior , or the unconscious energy  of the world. i’m learning not to give the negativity and unconsciousness back to the already unconscious collective field of humanity   and to have forgiveness for others and my own naiveté.

i seek harmony. i seek balance in myself in a world that is so unbalanced. i seek my own healing, evolution, creation, inner peace and harmony without anyone, or society trying to tear me down from my true  essence and fit me into a box, . i seek heart truth in a world full of ego, i have rebelled against this current burning paradigm since i was fourteen,  compassion and love are a must within myself and all humans.

my evolution has been a difficult one. being highly sensitive is a blessing and a curse in such a mysterious interesting multi dimensional  time space reality  .  i have delved deep into my spirit, mind and emotions trying to understand this world, and my relation to it, and still do. i have questioned everything intensely especially myself. i have lived like a free spirited gypsy soul, embracing my inner child into adulthood, while maturing and evolving into my highest self, i’m a late bloomer. i have had many spiritual deaths and rebirths, in the energy of love and fear, for the love of goddess.

i have experienced too much yang energy in my spirit at times and other times too much yin. i have been seeking balance. i have been untying the unnecessary energy, ego, pain, desire, and suffering from my past, through all chakras of my nature that no longer serve my highest good. i have allowed myself to get pulled into lower energies many times while trying to live through my heart pure and true, in doing so, i got lost in the spiritual new age movement, of “oneness” blinded by illusion, half awakening into a bliss trip of suesical who land of whoville. i’ve always thought this paradigm was a little off, i had traded one dimension (conscious space of reality), for another, not realizing it was the same one, just on a higher and false spiritual scale. i pretended (and truly felt)that i was one with existence, one race, one spirit, and one woman that contained all, speaking my truth most of the time and suesical nonsense other times, in the hopes of “does it really matter what spiritual beliefs, race, class, status, so called success, standing in the world, popularity, and material matrix paradigm i am or am living”? “can you see me from my pure heart as i see you”????????  this thought process or rather ,naïve spiritual trip has been a semi conscious play with illusions of revealing truth in others(core heart self) and myself, mirroring  what i see at times (egocentrically ), questioning my own soul’s(higher perspective) path, and a journey to find objective truth and my subjective truth with in that objective truth, and trying to understand the world and its separateness full of illusions, ego and lack of love, plus a tired attempt to protect my mind, body, spirit, from the mentality of patriarchal existence.  it has only left many people deeply confused and others smiling at my whimsical journey and self discovery. i take life seriously, and sometimes not so much. not everyone gets me, not everyone understands the wild feminine, the dakini goddess, who is really pure and true.  not everyone will understand my journey. i’ve stumbled into the new age movement only to get lost, maybe to ecsape the pain, loss, and grief of my past, and to experience a deep healing and metamorphosis, only to be found again into my goddess empowerment existence to restore energy and harmony from the damage of my own naiveté from past experiences and patriarchal abuse.
as fierce as i’ve been, and sad at the disempowerment of other women(i love all women) and myself and abusive men, i have been frustrated by the lack of balance in the world between the sexes(and the interplay between male and female energies), and the lack of balance in myself. its been hard to forgive the naïveté in other women, because that’s where my pain has been, in trying to  forgive my own. its been hard to forgive the men who abuse also.

a woman (goddess) has to have her cocoon time of crying, breathing in and out, meditation, dreaming, and metamorphosing before being reborn again as a bird pure and true, turning the dark goddess within ( lilith that fled in eden) and in all of humanity  to the light goddess without ,goddess sofia (which holds all goddess wisdom in unison) in balance with her energies.

so, i’ve learned that this world is very dualistic, with positive and negative energy, and its very off balance. too much yang energy. once human kind restores this balance in themselves, the earth “gaia” will restore herself also. human kind has a long way to go, and bliss tripping in whoville, wishing for world peace and a fake we are all one, is not the way to organic oneness, its young wishful thinking, escaping the separateness of what this illusive reality is.

i have been evolving everyday within my spirit and pure truth. understanding mindful practice, the restoration of inner balance, within and without, evolving, creating harmony within myself from the inside out, for it is only when i do this myself, i will inspire other’s to do the same.

what i wish for now and have always wished for is living as close to my pure truth as possible in a state of better awareness and in my wholeness in a safe space to express myself,  living a mindful life in tune with higher consciousness, and genuinely grounded  with earth and the roots of life. sustainable in my self and the environment around me. thankful for all i that i have, and all i’ve been through. i wish for acceptance and tolerance of everyone’s unique differences and a coming together of harmony, living with the earth, not against it, sustainable and healthy,  equal rights for all, and equality on all levels, for this promotes unity and peace. i do not believe in a new world order and a false sense of unity, with corrupt world leaders, and a western society way of thinking.

i have taken part of building the new, and fighting the old paradigm. in myself and in this world. i’m tired of fighting (activism), it only leads to more separateness. i choose love over fear, peace over war. peaceful and smart activism without the giving of cat scratches if i feel i have been slighted, projected upon, and abused. i have become a peaceful warrior.

i have done years of research and learning of  knowledge and experiences that have given me wisdom. i am fond of some eastern religions, zodiacs, philosophies, ways of life, cultures, and ancient wisdom. i am in love with the history of the sacred feminine and the new age rise of the sacred feminine. i am in awe of the spirit world, cosmos, galactic intelligence, and the uniting of science and the spirit world discovering miracles everyday. i resonate with much of  that wisdom. i feel deeply connected to  old native american wisdom and feel this is the wisdom and spiritual heart needing to be restored for western society, living in harmony with the earth, a type of eco spirituality.
i have delved deep in far out  spiritual thought, science, and grounded psychological awareness, and found myself in the middle and found what resonates and what does not.

i study biology, the cycles of nature and life, evolution, genetic codes, neurobiology, consciousness, quantum physics,  psychology, ancient modern science, astronomy, sacred science, sacred geometry, astroarcheology, cultural anthropology , philosophy, sociology, alternative lifestyles, humanities, art history, ancient and modern healing arts, health sciences, culinary arts, art and music etc  all out of pure curiosity and unconditional love, i’m more self taught and proud of it.

all in all, i feel i am here on earth to evolve and create .i am a thinker and an artist in a cosmic sense and in the truest sense. i paint through my soul, write from my heart, create art with what ever medium available and express myself freely. i am a yogini and a goddess. i am a dreamer, an idealist and cosmic dancer. i’m a forerunner and future visionary. i seek wisdom and knowledge and with both, i feel my way through life using my intuition and emotions.

i have always felt other worldly and
attached and detached to the fountain of existence.

this life is a subjective experience, its all relative.

i am stardust,  energy and particles, tissues, and cells.  i am that i am.

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http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/albert_einstein.html
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/carl_sagan.html

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/jiddu_krishnamurti.html

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/k/khalil_gibran.html
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/emily_dickinson.html

i wish someday humanity will realize that we are all made of star dust and that everything is connected  and so are we regardless of everything that is three d.

hope for the flowers.

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iberian lynx ^.^= my spirit bloodline animal (from the iberian peninsula) i have an affinity for this cat species , they are so stunning. they are the number one endangered wild cat, and as an rh- o negative blood type, which is one of the rarest blood types in the world, my iberian bloodline is endangered also.

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