i think we all ask ourselves, who am i, and why am i here?
isn’t that why we are here? to experience and learn the answers to those questions? to just be, to live as freely as possible, evolve, learn, get lost, to be found, (death and rebirth) only to cycle back to just being? over and over again? is that not what evolving is? what a wonderful life, just knowing that. how ecstatic that questioning is, and finding your own answers. i feel i am here to evolve, and create, simply. to evolve into my highest presence. to be free, and seek as much freedom in myself and this life. i feel i am an emt (emergency medical technician ) freedom warrior to my own soul self and for others also, and i have a reservoir of unique energy, physically and mentally which allows me to free someone from something physically, emotionally, or mentally in emergency situations, i tend to be really good at working under high pressure emergencies when a beings life is in danger. i would make an excellent emt, but the job itself would stress me out if i did that day in and day out. i feel i am here to learn the art of grace in the cosmic way of being . to climb this mountain of consciousness to the summit of my existence, and stand at the top in awe of life, nature, cosmos in total ecstasy.
i think it is important to know one’s roots, to know who one is, where one comes from, from a biological, geographical, cultural perspective, tracing one’s roots back & understanding one’s history in that sense. i think it’s more important to know one’s mind, heart, soul, and ever evolving self. i think its most important to know that, one is one with all, and one with the infinite universe, because that energy consciousness is who one truly is.
i think if one is very spiritual and aware of the oneness of life, and is in tune with the spirituality of life, yet not grounded in themselves, meaning, not knowing their roots, full history, and,or earthly presence of how one came to be, one may be susceptible to feeling very lost in oneself. i know i have felt that way in my journey of self discovery. i have felt lost. i have been in the energy of ungrounded spirituality, trying to understand the cosmos, nature, and life. trying to understand life and the world as a whole and my relation to it, trying to understand my upbringing, societal conditioning, and my experiences in life. trying to understand myself spiritually, psychologically, emotionally and physically. i was looking for answers from within and also, looking outside of myself for answers, experimenting, exploring truths, evolving, and becoming. trying to make sense of everything around me and inside of me. i think in our young evolution, this is what we do, we seek. this western society and many other societies in the world, teach us to look outside of ourselves for the answers and to look outside ourselves for contentment. this is the paradigm we have been living in. the new paradigm (which is actually an ancient paradigm in the modern world) teaches us that all of the answers are within, and to seek contentment from within. not that exploring objective truth and looking outside ourselves for answers is unimportant, but, looking within to find the questions and answers about ourselves and this life is a path to fulfillment and contentment. i believe one must be grounded in themselves and seek within and ground the wisdom of life experiences and knowledge learned for a wholistic understanding of one’s being. that to me is bridging heaven on earth within, which is needed to bridge heaven on earth without. as above, so below. being grounded in one’s spiritual essence is the most empowering path to inner peace, in my opinion. if we are all connected by cosmic force, then we must ground this knowledge to our earthly presence, to better live with nature and each other rooted as one.
i was born with soft dark hair, big soft dark brown eyes, aware of my surroundings , with long eye lashes, and quite small in size. i have olive skin, and my hair has naturally changed from dark brown ,to brown to dark brown, my eyes have changed from dark brown to hazel and back to dark brown /hazel.
recently, i have discovered my “national” heritage, i am of french (my mom’s side), english (my mom’s side) (dad’s side) gaelic scottish , norwegian, swedish, & smaller percentage of german “nationality”. being that i have darker features and an olive skin tone and an rh o-negative blood type, inherited from my mother, that was inherited by her father, who’s from the south of france, my blood is mainly dominant with in my southern french/iberian bloodline. my mother and myself are both dominant in our genetics with the rh o -negative ancient iberian blood. race is so much more determined with genetics (dna) & bloodline as a opposed to skin deep, genetics play apart in what features one inherits and which genes are dominant and which are recessive . my mother’s natural hair color is brown yet she has a little more of her mom’s lighter skin tone. i have brown hair and an olive skin tone from my maternal grandfather & paternal grandfather & father.
description in full: i have dark hazel olive eyes, olive-honey skin tone, fair in winter, dark tan olive when sun kissed, oval face shape, elvish ears giggles! medium nose, lush lips.
my maternal grandfather’s bloodline 0- originated from africa & through the middle east, he is of the arabic, mediterranean, spanish origin.
my paternal grandfather’s bloodline 0 originated from africa & through the middle east & eastern europe to north west europe (arabic – siberian- urlic finno -black irish – gaelic scottish
my paternal grandmothers bloodline b- originated in south & central asia. (asian -indo-european- siberian- eastern european – scandanavian) origin
my maternal grandmother ab originated in east & south asia- japan – siberia- eastern & north west europe (indo-european -siberian – slovakian- ) origin
i’m a goddess of the world. my true ancestry & dna is intermixed. i’m rh-0 full human, thus i contain all blood types. my family bloodline & dna is dynamic & rich. in my family there is 0- 0+ B- & AB-. my genetic code is ancient & modern. i’m indo european (french/catalan andalusian spanish-moroccan /indo aramaic/georgian/azer/ lebanese arabic, arabic persian- arabic- uralic & arabic- ugaritic, (blood type 0- roots)& arabic egyptian phoenician(0-) indo european(scandinavian- norwegian/swedish)-indo-persian-iranian/pakistani/afghani/rajasthani indo- arabic & hebrew & indo-hindu.(B- roots)
indo-european- (uralic russian-germanic- nordic gaelic) 0+
indo european- yorkshire english/gaelic- nordic- english & slovakian czech-ukrainian) & indo- asian AB
so truly, i’m a woman of the midnight sun.
my mom and dad 1979, my mom was pregnant for me
my mom’s parents/my grandparents
i need a picture of my great grandparents and great great grandparents from my mom’s side here yet.
i need a picture of my dad’s parents/grandpa and grandma here yet.
i need a pictures of my great grand parents and great great grandparents from my dad’s side here yet.
great lakes of michigan
empire michigan on lake michigan
lake huron, me on michigan’s thumb
me by lake cadillac, cadillac, michigan
northern michigan / lake in cadillac
i was born from two spirits that loved each other very much stemming from the love movement of the sixties. i was born in northern michigan and raised in the heart of michigan. my first memories of life were in a small home with a lot of land and woods, an abundant garden and vivacious alaskan malamutes , a family living simply and organically with the earth.
i need a picture of my first year of life with my parents and malamutes
i am a woman from a land that is surrounded by majestic lakes(the great lakes). i was raised in a small forest filled with deer and butterflies sheltered from the world. in my youngest years i have lived in a couple of different spaces in this land of michigan, and also a coastal land out east for a little time in massachusetts , then back to the heart of michigan, in a little neighborhood for a time, and then moving out to a secluded sub division outside of town with plentiful wildlife next to a beautiful deer park (woods).
hi, i’m darbi
the small forest with the butterflies and deer was my favorite. i grew up with two hard working parents following their passions, and trying to raise my brother and i. my dad is a neuroscientist and professor and my mom is an administrator in education. i went to a public school/high school and only really embraced and loved art and science. i was very social, yet shy, and close to my family, even though we all had our busy lives.
i went to college to study art, then i went to another college and my interest was in art and psychology to study art therapy. i couldn’t take the harsh winters in michigan, so i traveled west to the desert in arizona where i went to a healing arts school studying healing arts/ chakra balancing and polarity. i got home sick and moved back to michigan to study fine arts. i was finding myself and exploring life. i realized i am not good with disciplined schedules, i was not driven to succeed, and found the world to be really harsh. i was so naiive and was not sure how my highly sensitive self could find my ground. i moved to the sub tropical land of florida to work in the art galleries and boutiques, i worked many different creative jobs there and was finding my way in the world and learning how to live on my own. i did not have any street smarts, or knowledge of the ways of the world. i moved back to michigan for a time then back to florida, then to a mountain range in north carolina, only to move back to michigan and then back down to florida, hi, where i am right now. i have done some traveling around this vast land known as the united states, and also over seas a couple of times.
in all of the different, magical and not so magical places i have lived or traveled to, i have embraced all of them. just as i have embraced my divine and not so divine experiences in them. just as i embrace the light and the dark in myself and have been trying to do so with others and life, learning emptiness and compassion of where people are at in their unique journeys, and trying to have patience and mindfully not take in other’s unevolved behavior , or the unconscious energy of the world. i’m learning not to give the negativity and unconsciousness back to the already unconscious collective field of humanity and to have forgiveness for others and my own naiveté.
i seek my own healing, evolution, creation, inner peace and harmony without anyone, or society trying to tear me down from my true essence and fit me into a box, . i seek truth in a world full of ego, i have rebelled against this current burning paradigm since i was fourteen, compassion and love are a must within myself and all people.
my evolution has been a difficult. being highly sensitive is a blessing and a curse in such a mysterious interesting multi dimensional time space reality . i have delved deep into my spirit, mind and emotions trying to understand this world, and my relation to it, and still do. i have questioned everything intensely especially myself. i have lived like a free spirited gypsy soul, embracing my inner child into adulthood, while maturing and evolving into my highest self, i’m a late bloomer. i have had many spiritual deaths and rebirths, in the energy of love and fear, for the love of goddess.
i have experienced too much yang energy in my spirit at times and other times too much yin. i have been seeking balance. i have been untying the unnecessary energy, ego, pain, desire, and suffering from my past, through all chakras of my nature that no longer serve my highest good. i have allowed myself to get pulled into lower energies many times while trying to live through my heart pure and true, in doing so, i got lost in the spiritual new age movement, of “oneness” blinded by illusion, half awakening into a bliss trip of suesical who land of whoville. i’ve always thought this paradigm was a little off, i had traded one dimension (conscious space of reality), for another, not realizing it was the same one, just on a higher and false spiritual scale. i pretended (and truly felt)that i was one with existence, one race, one spirit, and one woman that contained all, speaking my truth most of the time and suesical nonsense other times, in the hopes of “does it really matter what spiritual beliefs, race, class, status, so called success, standing in the world, popularity, and material matrix paradigm i am or am living”? “can you see me from my pure heart as i see you”???????? this thought process or rather ,naïve spiritual trip has been a semi conscious play with illusions of revealing truth in others(core heart self) and myself, mirroring what i see at times (egocentrically ), questioning my own soul’s(higher perspective) path, and a journey to find objective truth and my subjective truth with in that objective truth, and trying to understand the world and its separateness full of illusions, ego and lack of love, plus a tired attempt to protect my mind, body, spirit, from the mentality of patriarchal existence. it has only left many people deeply confused and others smiling at my whimsical journey and self discovery. i take life seriously, and sometimes not so much. not everyone gets me, not everyone understands the wild feminine, the dakini goddess, who is really pure and true. not everyone will understand my journey. i’ve stumbled into the new age movement only to get lost, maybe to ecsape the pain, loss, and grief of my past, and to experience a deep healing and metamorphosis, only to be found again into my goddess empowerment existence to restore energy and harmony from the damage of my own naiveté from past experiences and patriarchal abuse.
as fierce as i’ve been, and sad at the disempowerment of other women(i love all women) and myself and abusive men, i have been frustrated by the lack of balance in the world between the sexes(and the interplay between male and female energies), and the lack of balance in myself. its been hard to forgive the naïveté in other women, because that’s where my pain has been, in trying to forgive my own. its been hard to forgive the men who abuse also.
a woman (goddess) has to have her cocoon time of crying, breathing in and out, meditation, dreaming, and metamorphosing before being reborn again as a bird pure and true, turning the dark goddess within ( lilith that fled in eden) and in all of humanity to the light goddess without ,goddess Sofia (which holds all goddess wisdom in unison) in balance with her energies.
so, i’ve learned that this world is very dualistic, with positive and negative energy, and its very off balance. too much yang energy. once human kind restores this balance in themselves, the earth “gaia” will restore herself also. human kind has a long way to go, and bliss tripping in whoville, wishing for world peace and a fake we are all one, is not the way to organic oneness, its young wishful thinking, escaping the separateness of what this illusive reality is.
i have been evolving everyday within my spirit and pure truth. understanding mindful practice, the restoration of inner balance, within and without, evolving, creating harmony within myself from the inside out, for it is only when i do this myself, i will inspire other’s to do the same.
what i wish for now and have always wished for is living as close to my pure truth as possible in a state of better awareness and in my wholeness in a safe space to express myself, living a mindful life in tune with higher consciousness, and genuinely grounded with earth and the roots of life. sustainable in my self and the environment around me. thankful for all i that i have, and all i’ve been through. i wish for acceptance and tolerance of everyone’s unique differences and a coming together of harmony, living with the earth, not against it, sustainable and healthy, equal rights for all, and equality on all levels, for this promotes unity and peace. i do not believe in a new world order and a false sense of unity, with corrupt world leaders, and a western society way of thinking.
i have taken part of building the new, and fighting the old paradigm. in myself and in this world. i’m tired of fighting (activism), it only leads to more separateness. i choose love over fear, peace over war. peaceful and smart activism without the giving of cat scratches if i feel i have been slighted, projected upon, and abused. i have become a peaceful warrior.
i have done years of research and learning of knowledge and experiences that have given me wisdom. i am fond of some eastern religions, zodiacs, philosophies, ways of life, cultures, and ancient wisdom. i am in awe of the spirit world, cosmos, galactic intelligence, and the uniting of science and the spirit world discovering miracles everyday. i resonate with much of that wisdom.
i study biology, the cycles of nature and life, evolution, genetic codes, neurobiology, consciousness, psychology, ancient modern science, astronomy, sacred science, sacred geometry, astroarcheology, cultural anthropology , philosophy, sociology, alternative lifestyles, humanities, art history, ancient and modern healing arts, health sciences, culinary arts, art and music etc all out of pure curiosity and unconditional love, i’m more self taught and proud of it.
all in all, i feel i am here on earth to evolve and create .i am a thinker and an artist in a cosmic sense and in the truest sense. i paint through my soul, write from my heart, create art with whatever medium available and express myself freely. i am a yogini and a goddess. i am a dreamer, an idealist and cosmic dancer. i’m a forerunner and future visionary. i seek wisdom and knowledge and with both, i feel my way through life using my intuition and emotions.
i have always felt other worldly and
attached and detached to the fountain of existence.
this life is a subjective experience, its all relative.
i am stardust, energy and particles, tissues, and cells. i am that i am.
i wish someday humanity will realize that we are all made of star dust and that everything is connected and so are we regardless of everything that is three d.
hope for the flowers.
painting by Mahmoud Farshchian