who am i?

 

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i think we all ask ourselves, who am i, and why am i here?

isn’t that why we are here? to experience and learn the answers to these questions? to just be, to live as freely as possible, evolve, learn,  get lost, to be found, (death and rebirth)  only to cycle back to just being? over and over again? is that not what evolving is?  what a fantastic life, just knowing that.  how ecstatic that questioning is, and finding one’s own answers. i feel i’m here to evolve, & create, simply. to evolve into my highest most equalized presence. to be free, & seek as much freedom in myself & my life. i feel i am an emt (emergency medical technician  ) freedom warrior to my own soul self and for others also, & i have a reservoir of unique energy, physically & mentally which allows me to free someone from something physically, emotionally, or mentally in emergency situations, i tend to be really good at working under high pressure emergencies when a beings life is in danger. i would make an excellent emt, but the job itself would stress me out if i did that day in and day out. i feel i am here to learn the art of grace in the cosmic way of being . to climb this mountain of consciousness to the summit of my existence, and stand at the top in awe of life, nature, cosmos in total ecstasy.

i think it is important to know one’s roots, to know who one is, where one comes from, from a biological, geographical, cultural perspective, tracing one’s roots back & understanding one’s history in that sense. i think it’s more important to know one’s mind, heart, soul, and ever evolving self. i think its most important to know that, one is one with all, the earth & one with the infinite universe, because that energy consciousness is who one truly is.

i think if one is very spiritual and aware of the oneness of life, and is in tune with the spirituality of life, yet not grounded in themselves, meaning, not knowing their roots, full history, & ,or earthly presence of how one came to be, one may be susceptible to feeling very lost in oneself. i know i have felt that way in my journey of self discovery. i have felt lost. i  have been in the energy of ungrounded spirituality, trying to understand the cosmos, nature, and life. trying to understand life & the world as a whole and my relation to it, trying to understand my upbringing, societal conditioning, & my experiences in life. trying to understand myself spiritually, psychologically, emotionally and physically. i was looking for answers from within and also, looking outside of myself for answers, experimenting, exploring truths, evolving, & becoming into myself. trying to make sense of everything inside of me & around me i think in our young evolution, this is what we do, we seek. this western society and many other societies in the world, teach us to look outside of ourselves for the answers & to look outside ourselves for contentment. this is the paradigm we have been living in. the new paradigm (which is actually an ancient paradigm in the modern world) teaches us that all of the answers are within, and to seek contentment from within. not that exploring objective truth & looking outside ourselves for answers is unimportant, but, looking within to find the questions & answers about ourselves and this life, is a path to fulfillment and contentment. i believe one must be grounded in themselves & seek within and ground the wisdom of life experiences and knowledge learned for a wholistic understanding of one’s being. that to me is bridging heaven on earth within, which is needed to bridge heaven on earth without. as above, so below, as below, so above. *being grounded in one’s spiritual essence is the most empowering path to inner peace*, in my opinion. if we are all connected by cosmic & earth force, then we must ground this knowledge to our earthly presence, to better live with nature and each other rooted as one.

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i was born with soft dark hair, big soft dark brown eyes, aware of my surroundings , with long eye lashes, and quite small in size. i have olive skin, and my hair has naturally changed from  dark  brown ,to brown  to dark brown, my eyes have changed from dark brown to hazel and back to dark brown /hazel.

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recently, i have discovered my “national” heritage, i am of french/spanish (my mom’s side), anglo english (my mom’s side)   (dad’s side) gaelic anglo english german scottish , norwegian, & swedish,  “nationality” being that i have darker features & an olive skin tone and an rh o-negative blood type, inherited from my mother, that was inherited by her father, who’s from the south of france & north of spain border, my blood is mainly dominant with in my southern french/iberian bloodline. my mother & myself are both dominant  in our bloodline with the rh o -negative ancient iberian-north african bloodline. genetically, i’m a mix of both my mother & father.   race is so much more determined with genetics (dna) thousands of dna strands & bloodline as a opposed to skin deep.  genetics play apart in what features one inherits and which genes are dominant and which are recessive . my mother’s natural hair color is brown yet she has a little more of her mother’s lighter skin tone. i have brown hair and an olive skin tone from my maternal grandfather & paternal grandfather & father.

description in full: i have dark hazel olive eyes, olive skin tone, fair in winter, dark tan olive when sun kissed, oval  face shape, elvish ears, medium nose, lush lips.

the  modern surnames of my ancestors

paternal grandmother Nordeen, Nordin is a norwegian, swedish & french name

Swedish surnames are Nordén (carried by 1,788), Nordling (1,166),Norén (6,033), Norin (1,834), and Norlin (2,167). Nordin can also be one of the spellings of the Arabic name Nur al-Din. ” Nor” or “Nur” is an Arabic word, which means light and “Al-Din” or “Din” means religion.

https://www.houseofnames.com/nordeen-family-crest

namehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nordin

nordic coat of arms

the nordic people were mainly migrants from north & central europe blood group a. my grandmother of b negative blood type, has her bloodline from estonia, lithuania, latvia, ukraine, russia & azerbaijan,  the ancestors of  iraq & iran   afghanistan, pakistan, central asia & north india

there is a very small portion of b negative people in the world so it is easier to trace roots

/iraq/iran / nogais    jewish b-

http://www.languagesoftheworld.info/russia-ukraine-and-the-caucasus/karaites-live.html

 

 

paternal grandfather Dunbar

the name Dunbar is a gaelic anglo english/scottish name.  habitational name from Dunbar, a place on the North Sea coast near Edinburgh, named with Gaelic dùn ‘fort’ + barr ‘top’, ‘summit’. Dunbar, scotland is on the border of south east scotland & england. it is an old name, that was around way before the highland scots (vikings) arrived.  the Dunbar name has a long history. it is a kingly name. the Dunbars are the ancestors of the Boernicians  https://wikivisually.com/wiki/Boernicians.

the Boernicians are from the angle kingdom of  northumbria of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingdom_of_Northumbria

the Boernicians were old germanic/russian tribes that entered the north & established the ancient land of the united kingdom.

before conquering the northern european territory of the netherlands, germany, poland, belarus, ukraine, russia, georgia, azerbaijan, the Boernician’s ancestors were the Scythians of ancient persia in iran.   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scythians

 

http://simvolika.rsl.ru/index.php?doc=108

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Scythian

 

the roots of Dunbar are in iran, georgia, azerbaijan, the kingly rule over crimea in the black sea, ukraine & russia,  & germanic english

 

maternal  grandmother Aldridge http://www.surnamedb.com/Surname/Aldridge

there is not much known into the origins of Aldridge, other than its a very old english name & apart of the baptismal class.  the name Aldridge is named after the land of the alder trees. the roots of Alder means ruler.  Aldridge is a prominent name in yorkshire, england & north ireland (english territory)

 

 

maternal grandfather Prevost  http://www.surnamedb.com/Surname/Prevost

Old French prevost ‘provost‘ (from Latin praepositus, past participle of praeponere ‘to place in charge’), a status name for any of various officials in a position of responsibility

the root of prevost is latin  as praepositus  https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/praepositus

 

 

 

http://ep.yimg.com/ca/I/4crests_2316_954857924

http://www.armsandbadges.com/Showthumb.ashx?ThumbID=6020bce0-9960-41eb-9cc6-5d90ec793068

 

http://www.heraldry.ws/html/le-prevost.html

http://ep.yimg.com/ca/I/family-crests_2227_1162364910

 

my grandfather was 0 negative & came from the border of spain & france

rh 0-  is an ancient bloodline dominant throughout the iberian peninsula, north africa, the middle east, & through the mediterranean islands.  my grandfather was of  andorra roots. intermixed, having roots in andorra & andalusia.

southern french & northern spanish have intermixing of mediterranean,  balearic, corsica, sicily, cyprus, & middle eastern lebanon, syria, arabia, iraq, saudi arabia, serbia, kosovo, montenegro, bosnia

roots of  east africa, eritrea, djibouti, sudan, somalia, ethiopia,  niger & chad & north africa egypt, libya, algeria, & morocco

so, to my understanding, and vast research, i’m most notably through bloodline-blood type analysis,

my maternal grandfather’s bloodline 0- originated from north africa & through the middle east,  he is of the arabic, mediterranean, spanish, portuguese, french origin.

my paternal grandfather’s bloodline 0 originated from africa &  through the middle east & eastern europe to north west europe  0 (arabic – siberian- urlic finno –  gaelic english germanic scottish

my paternal grandmother’s bloodline b- originated in africa & migrated through the middle east into siberia & eastern europe  into scandinavia . B (asian -indo-european- siberian- eastern european – scandinavian )   origin

my maternal grandmother ab originated in africa & migrated  north to central europe AB (east & south asia – japan – siberia- north central europe  (indo-european -siberian – slovakian- )  origin

 

 b- comes from ancient -(central & south asia) pakistan- rajastan- india- bangladesh -bombay-tibet- korea-japan- kalmuks- siberia-urlic-finno)
bloodline ab comes from -tara taras -india- china-canton-peking- japan-czechoslovakia -hungary -poland-england- north ireland (english).    
yin excess; my bloodline correlates with the O ancient bloodline, heidelberg genesis & cro magon. recessive, dark, below, feminine, live by the moon, cycles, star knowledge, star-moon astrology, temple builders, nature, bushmen, hunter-gather, nomadic, tribal, shawmen, medicine woman, healers, art and hieroglyphics,  matriarchy, then male dominant ,dominant right/left-brained, meat/fish eaters, need of protein food chain, colorful, nomads, close to nature, shawmen tribes, tribal oriented, nurturing, receptive, absorbing, defensive, loyal, first species to bury their dead, ritualistic, spiritual, water and river ways, travelers, deep harmonic resonance with each other and earth-sky, dark blue black, blue brown, dark olive, olive skin, dark hair, narrow, slim, round, big eyes, greens,gods goddesses and tribal.

i’m a goddess of the world. my true ancestry & dna is intermixed. i’m rh-0 full human, thus i contain all blood types. my family bloodline & dna is dynamic & rich. in my family there is 0- 0+ B-  AB- & AB . my genetic code is ancient & modern. i’m indo european (andorran)  (french, castilian, & portuguese & andalusian spanish-moroccan /indo aramaic/georgian/azer/ lebanese arabic, arabic persian- arabic- uralic & arabic- ugaritic, arabic egyptian  phoenician (blood type 0- roots)  indo european(scandinavian- norwegian/swedish)-indo-persian-iranian/iraqi/pakistani/afghani/rajasthani indo- arabic & hebrew & indo-hindu.(B- roots)
indo-european- (uralic russian-germanic- nordic gaelic) 0+
indo european- yorkshire english/gaelic- nordic- english & slovakian czech-ukrainian) & indo- asian AB

so truly, i’m a woman of the midnight sun.

my mom and dad 1979, my mom was pregnant for me

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my mom’s parents/my grandparents

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i need a picture of my great grandparents and great great grandparents from my mom’s side  here yet.

i need a picture of my dad’s parents/grandpa and grandma here yet.

i need a pictures of my great grand parents and great great grandparents from my dad’s side here yet.

great lakes of michigan

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empire michigan on lake michigan

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me by lake cadillac, cadillac, michigan

northern michigan / lake in cadillac

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i was born from two spirits that loved each other very much stemming from the love movement of the sixties. i was born in northern michigan and raised in the heart of michigan. my first memories of life were in a small home with a lot of land and woods, an abundant garden and vivacious alaskan malamutes , a family living simply and organically with the earth.

 

i am a woman from a land that is surrounded by majestic lakes(the great lakes).  i was raised in a small forest filled with deer and butterflies sheltered from the world. in my youngest years i have lived in a couple of different spaces in this land of michigan, and also a coastal land out east for a little time in massachusetts , then back to the heart of michigan, in a little neighborhood for a time, and then moving out to a secluded sub division outside of town with plentiful wildlife next to a beautiful deer park (woods).

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hi, i’m darbi

the small forest with the butterflies and deer was my favorite. i grew up with two hard working parents following their passions, and trying to raise my brother and i. my father is a neuroscientist & professor and my mother is an administrator in education.  i went to a public school/high school and only really embraced and loved art and science. i was very social, yet shy, and close to my family, even though we all had our busy lives.

 

i went to college to study art, then i went to another college and my interest was in art and psychology to study art therapy. i couldn’t take the harsh winters in michigan, so i traveled west to the desert in arizona where i went to a healing arts school studying healing arts/ chakra balancing and polarity. i got home sick and moved back to michigan to study fine arts. i was finding myself and exploring life. i had realized i’m not good with disciplined schedules, i was not driven to succeed, and found the world to be really harsh. i was so  naiive and was not sure how my highly sensitive self could find my ground. i moved to the sub tropical land of florida to work in the art galleries & boutiques, i worked many different creative jobs there & was finding my way in the world & learning how to live on my own. i  did not have any street smarts, or knowledge of the ways of the world. i moved back to michigan for a time then back to florida, then to a mountain range  in north carolina, only to move back to michigan and then back down to florida, hi, where i am right now. i have done some traveling around this vast land known as the united states, and also over seas a couple of times.

in all of the different, magical and not so magical places i have lived or traveled to, i have embraced all of them. just as i have embraced my divine and not so divine experiences in them. just as i embrace the light and the dark in myself and have been trying to do so with others and life, learning emptiness and compassion of where i’m at & where other people are at in their unique journeys,  trying to have patience & mindfully not take in other’s unevolved behavior, or the unconscious energy of the world. i’m learning not to give the unconsciousness back to the already unconscious collective field of humanity & to have forgiveness for others in most ways i’m can & my own naiveté.

i seek my own healing, empowerment, integration, evolution, creation, inner peace & harmony without anyone, or society trying to tear me down from my true essence and fit me into a mould . i seek truth in a world full of ego & illusions, i have rebelled against the current burning paradigm since i was fourteen. compassion is a must within myself and all people.

*i have felt an equilibrium in myself my whole life, so, its been that much more difficult dealing with the opposite energy of the world. i’m natural harmony.*

my evolution has been difficult. being highly sensitive is a blessing and a curse in such a mysterious, interesting, multi dimensional, time space reality. i have delved deep into my spirit, mind and emotions trying to understand this world, & my relation to it, & still do. i have questioned everything intensely, especially myself. i have lived like a free spirited gypsy soul, embracing my inner child into adulthood, while maturing and evolving into my highest self, i’m a late bloomer. i have had many spiritual deaths & i have been untying the unnecessary emotional energy, ego, pain, desire, & suffering from my past, through all chakras of my nature that no longer serve my equilized good. i have allowed myself to get pulled into lower energies many times while trying to live through my heart pure and true, in doing so, i got lost in the spiritual new age movement, of “oneness” blinded by illusion, half awakening into a bliss trip of suesical who land of whoville. i’ve always thought the current paradigm was a little off, i had traded one dimension (conscious space of reality), for another, not realizing it was the same one, just on a higher and false spiritual scale. i pretended (and truly felt)that i was one with existence, one race, one spirit, and one woman that contained all, speaking my truth most of the time and suesical nonsense other times, in the hopes of “does it really matter what spiritual beliefs, status, class, culture, race & so called success, standing in the world, popularity, and material matrix paradigm i am or am living”? “can you see me from my pure heart as i see you”???????????  this thought process, or rather, naïve spiritual trip has been a semi conscious play with illusions of revealing truth in others(core heart self) and myself, mirroring  what i see at times (egocentrically ), questioning my own soul’s(higher perspective) path, and a journey to find objective truth & my subjective truth with in that objective truth, and trying to understand the world and it’s separateness full of illusions, ego & lack of love, plus a tired attempt to protect my spirit, mind, & body from the mentality of unhealthy third dimensional existence.  it has only left many people deeply confused, & others smiling at my whimsical journey & self discovery. i take life seriously, & sometimes not so much. not everyone gets me, not everyone understands the wild feminine, the dakini goddess, who is really pure & true.  not everyone will understand my journey. i had stumbled into the new age movement only to get lost, maybe to escape the pain, loss, & grief of my past, & to experience a deep healing  metamorphosis, only to be found again, into my goddess empowerment existence to restore energy and harmony from the damage of my own naiveté from past experiences & third dimensional abuse.
as vulnerable & fierce as i’ve been, & sad at the disempowerment of other women & myself due to abusive men, i have been frustrated by the lack of equilibrium in the world between the sexes( the interplay between male and female energies),  it’s been difficult to forgive the naïveté in other women, because that’s where my pain has been, in trying to  forgive my own. its been difficult to forgive the men who abuse also.

a woman (goddess) has to have her cocoon time of crying, breathing in and out, meditation, dreaming, and metamorphosing before being reborn again as a bird pure and true, turning the dark goddess within ( lilith that fled in eden) & in all of humanity  to the light goddess without, goddess Sofia (which holds all goddess wisdom in unison) in balance within both light & dark energies.

so, i’ve learned that this world is very dualistic, with positive and negative energy, & its very off balance. too much yang energy. once human kind restores this balance in themselves, the earth “gaia” will restore itself also. people kind has a long way to go,& bliss tripping in whoville, wishing for world peace & a fake we are all one, is not the way to organic oneness, its young wishful thinking, escaping the separateness of what this illusive reality is.

i have been evolving everyday within my spirit and pure truth. understanding mindful practice, the restoration of inner balance, within and without, evolving, creating harmony within myself from the inside out, for it is only when i do this myself, i will inspire other’s to do the same.

what i wish for now, & have always wished for, is living as close to my pure truth as possible, in a state of pure awareness, in my wholeness, in a safe space to express myself,  living a mindful life in tune with equalized healthy consciousness, & grounded  with earth & the roots of life, which is my natural state. sustainable in my self, & the environment around me. thankful for all i that i have, & all that  i’ve been through. i wish for acceptance & tolerance of everyone’s unique differences, & some kind of unity of harmony, living with the earth, not against it, sustainable & healthy,  equal rights for all, and equal opportunity on all levels, for this promotes unity and peace. i do not believe in a new world order & a false sense of unity, with corrupt world leaders.

i have taken part of  fighting the old paradigm & building the new. i’m tired of fighting (activism), it only leads to more separateness. i choose love over fear, peace over war. peaceful & smart activism without the giving of cat scratches, if i feel i have been slighted, projected upon, or abused. i have become a peaceful warrior.

i have done years of research & learning of  knowledge & wisdom through my own experiences, that have given me wisdom. i am fond of some eastern religions, zodiacs, philosophies, ways of life, cultures, & ancient wisdom. i am in awe of the spirit world, cosmos, galactic intelligence,  the uniting of science & the spirit world discovering miracles everyday. i resonate with much of  that wisdom.

i study biology, the cycles of nature and life, evolution, genetic codes, neurobiology, consciousness,  psychology, ancient modern science, astronomy, sacred science, sacred geometry, astroarcheology, cultural anthropology , philosophy, sociology,  humanities, art history, ancient and modern healing arts, health sciences, culinary arts, art & music. all out of pure curiosity and unconditional love, i’m more self taught and proud of it.

all in all, i feel i am here on earth to evolve and create .i am a thinker & an artist in the truest sense. i paint through my soul, write from my heart, create art with whatever medium available and express myself freely. i am a yogini & a goddess. i am a dreamer, an idealist & dancer. i’m a forerunner & future visionary. i seek wisdom & knowledge, & with both, i feel my way through life using my intellect, intuition, & emotions.

i have always felt other worldly
detached & attached  to the fountain of existence.

i am stardust,  energy and particles, tissues, and cells.  i am that i am.

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my personal evolution.

 

once upon a time & the people i have held dear to my heart.

 

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