throughout history, religion, which has its roots in paganism, has been a social construct between societies, cultures, & tribes. religion & paganism was created through human innovation & creativity in the realm of culture shared between groups of people. religion in modern times, has its newer scripts or older scripts of philosophy & practices, yet is & has been used for both higher & lower conscious objectives, such as, giving meaning to life, sacred practices, traditions, & organizing people harmoniously. also, religion has been used to colonize, weaponize, & for power & control reasons over people, cultures, resources, & dominance over regions & land. some religion used in recent & ancient history, has been manipulative. the hijacking of certain religions used for political, cultural, & or ethnic power & rule, that have a new meaning or for power & rule.
i’m no longer a unitarian universalist because the religion of religions has been hijacked by the clown car of liberal democrats, it is not the religion it was over a decade ago.
i’m simply a spiritual pantheist & princess creatrix of cosmos & nature.
religion has been a dominating theme in the age of pisces, which rules religion as a whole (all branches of religions). there have been more wars fought in the name of religion, than any other reason. millions of people have died in religious wars through different regions of the world throughout time. religion is most often intrinsically tied with other religions & cultures (whether harmonious or not). within philosophy, religion, & paganism, it is all connected throughout the world, as with everything living on the planet. religion has been a harmonizing force & a destructive force.
many religions & paganism throughout time has been used to colonize, weaponize, slave trade, dominate & control peoples, cultures, & regions for eons of time.
a recent historical example is in the region of the middle east. in an era within an age, the persian empire ruled, the kingdom was a point of power, control, & dominance throughout the region & different regions of the world. zoroastrianism was the prominent religion of that time. later, islamic faith ruled the region (which was an innovative branch of religion from zoastrianism & some other religions), & islam was spread throughout the region & other regions.
zoroatrianism was the first known “religion”. before zoastrianism there was arabic pre-islamic paganism throughout the middle east & surrounding regions, such as: arabic druidic paganism, aramaic paganism, & sumerian paganism.
the arab’s first holy land was what is known now as modern day petra. many arabs fled the earthquake in the region. they migrated south to the arabian peninsula & set up new holy lands, first in kufa, then medina & north in damascus, then in mecca, that is the history of the islamic religion.
many different peoples & cultures have been convinced & converted, assimilated, or conquered through regional dominance, slave trade, or wars, through other religions & cultures, over & over & over again. thus, much of culture, people, & biologies have been shared, infused, assimilated, & colonized. the peoples of nations, empires, & cultures are intrinsically separate & connected.
religion within religion.
most religions have branches, within branches of the branches of religion. such as different branches of islam & different branches of christianity. within the branches, within the branches, within the branches of religion, there has been religious infighting, such as sunni & shia muslims, & christians & catholics, & fighting outside of their own religions, such as muslims & christians. all fighting is fought with great self righteousness. men have created such wars for eons of time.
religion & culture
religion itself, at times, has been dominated & taken over by other cultures of people that had different religious, paganistic, or cultural affiliations, before being converted, assimilated, & colonized by certain dominating religions, that then dominated with the religion converted or assimilated into, the very religious culture that dominated them before. a form of religious cultural appropriation, yet out of being colonized or converted into the very religion, they used to dominate.
in other instances, certain religions & people of different cultures & ethnic backgrounds, simply converted, assimilated & or conquered, onto & into, other cultures.
so many religions have always been extraordinarily illusive, just as all of the social constructs constructed in the third dimensional matrix of systems throughout the world.
religion, trends, times, & eras
religion & paganism throughout time, in certain eras within ages of history, have re-evaluated their philosophies, religious scripts, scrolls, indoctrinations, institutions, & social construct organizations. some branches of branches of branches of religion have diverted from some of the older traditions in their religions, & some have remained traditional, this is one of the reasons for religious infighting & fighting among other religions. the differences of progression & conservation. in the age of pisces, this dualism within religion, along with all other aspects of dualism of social constructs, has been rather illusive, mindless, & ignorant to some degree. there is an intelligence & harmony between mindful progress & intelligent conservation in religions, that has not so much unfurled in the age of pisces, as pisces is the sign of dualism. what is trendy on the cat walk of religion now, will not be in future time, & so on & so on. nothing stays the same, everything changes & religion is a form of science, rooted in paganism. religion as with other sciences, is young, & needs time, space, exploration & experimentation to evolve.
religion, separatism & unity
the religions of recent ancient history, have had their separations within their branches of certain religions, diversions from the more traditional ways, this was the beginning of the kali yuga age of pisces, a long time ago. this is still prevalent today at the tail end of the age of pisces on the cusp of the beginning age of aquarius. much separatism, yet also a unifying within the separatism (spaces in the togetherness) for cohesive regional peace or cooperation. that is the cusp era of pisces & aquarius, & will be the similar energy for 600 years. in future time, religion as a philosophy, will be much more unified with less duality & more polarity, along with the progression of science, which will be a dominant force in the first new moon decedent of the age of aquarius in 600 years.
religion & science
on the cusp era of aquarius & pisces, there will still be much illusion, chaos, & unsustainability, in religions. the dynamic illusions will conquer for a time, seemingly more unified religions coming together under false pretenses, short term goals, egoic gain, & may be a failure of unsustainability of religion in the near future of the cusp age. a curse of evil & ignorance may prevail due to veiled illusions, infantile self service & or ignorance. religions, just with every other sector & realm of societies around the world coinciding & acting on illusions, power, & control, anchoring to illusive indoctrination. the cusp era is always full of illusions, fake harmony, disharmony, chaotic, & destructive, unsustainable energy & will be a potent force of ignorance for awhile.
perhaps in the satya yuga age of aquarius in 600 years, wholistic religion & science will reign in harmony with evolved intelligence & future sustainability.
religious intolerance tied with mass immigration & migrations
because of certain countries regimes, corruption, poverty, violence, war resource depletion & climate crisis, different cultures of people are migrating within the borders of different cultures of people. this is causing great disharmony in some countries who keep their borders open for migrations of people. cultural loss & cultural intolerance is disharmonious. systems will have to change to integrate in an intelligent & harmonious way or close their borders if dire need to keep the country safe.
a thought on religious tolerance on this topic.
let orthodoxic christian women where their head scarves, don’t mess with babushka’s head scarves, let women of certain christian faiths wear their veils, let catholic women wear their veils & coifs, let islamic women wear their hijabs, let modest fashionistas wear fashion scarves, let women who want to cover their faces to not be surveilled by the ttnwo do so.
infp, in relations with others, this means people that i know well, trust, resonant with, & who are a part of my life sphere.
~laid back go with the flow kinds of people. this is dependent upon if my nature is nurtured, & around resonant frequencies of people, places, & situations.
an example:
my grandmother Virginia, was an infp, & she felt stifled going to church. she felt uncomfortable around the energy, people, & place. she felt it to be superficial & meaningless. she found god’s energy in cosmos & nature, through her own heart & soul, through philosophy, literature, & music. in solace through the seasons in nature.
~ free spirited. if my nature is nurtured in resonance with the environment
~ enjoyable to be around. if my nature is nurtured in resonance with people, situations, & environments i’m in.
~ often have a good sense of humor. higher conscious sense of humor, or lower conscious sense of humor, if defensive & immature. infps are kind & may not take well to manipulations, superficial judgements, assumptions, unkindness, untruths, projections, ignorant & subjectively harmful energy, so may respond with lower conscious energy to lower conscious energy : witty, sarcastic, mocking or miming consciousness levels, or mean. infps may be filter less in regard to lower conscious humor at times.
(i have always been of a higher conscious silly sense of humor, though in my mid-later thirties, i had engaged in lower conscious humor at times in my own bounds, in private writings, & with some family members)
~sensitive, natural intuition, yet natural naivete, learns intuitive wisdom perception with maturity & experiences. this is the same with reading people & dealing with other people’s emotions. some infps may be naïve their entire lives, if intuitive wisdom perception isn’t harnessed throughout life experiences.
~loyal & committed with resonant loved ones who are loyal & committed.
~kind hearted & warm with resonant loved ones who are kind hearted & warm.
~ truly concerned for the consciousness on planet earth, detached universal compassion for humanity, concerned with living in harmony with wildlife & nature. (truly caring, even if detached & aloof.)
~ seek to meet the needs of others if resonate, trusting, & harmonious
~nurturing & encouraging with others if resonate, trusting, & harmonious. self intentional, nurturing & encouraging by example, & the ability to appreciate the individual uniqueness of people.
~recognizes & respects other people’s need for space, has strong boundaries, & expects boundaries to be respected.
~discovery of own meaning in life & meaning in life in general, in deep analysis on all levels of self, in the spiritual, mental, soul, emotional, physical, ever evolving self, life paths, & life experiences.
~ concerned with inner evolution on all levels. concerned with own consciousness, awareness, meaningfulness & mindfulness. concerned with conscious self intention & creation. concerned with being in the world, yet not of the world. infp’s have “in” functioning, where as extraverts are concerned about being of the world.
~ service oriented & desire to help people. infp’s are more self intentional, intellectual & creative. intellectual & creative skills & talents may be helpful to some people.
~tend to make great mediators. infp’s are natural harmony. from a periscopic lens, infp’s are about “true harmony” not “false harmony”. if wise & mature, infp’s make excellent harmonizers.
infp’s can be naive. if wise & empowered, we may be psychological empaths with keen discernment skills.
as with cold facts, infp’s are often mistaken for being too right brained, & some in fact are, yet i’m equalized in my right & left brain hemispheres, i love facts, objective truth with subjective truth in harmony,& i love creativity.
i had never related to a specific disney princess growing up. i related to a little bit of many of them. yet, upon thinking about it more, i can so relate to Aquata from the little mermaid. i was so much like her, when i was younger & into my adulthood.
i even had a perwinkle blue decor’ room, wore my favorite indigo pajamas & had a flying pink pegasus stuffed animal horse that was my favorite. learning about the disney princess Aquata, my hair is blown back on the similarities of my childhood, growing up & then into adulthood. its as if watching myself as an animated character that was created of me, without my knowing. as an infp, i find that is the case with so many things in my life: i will see something, watch something, read something, etc, & its as if taking a synchronicity tour of a time in my life. i have known people who are the opposite of myself in that way, they see something, watch something, read something, etc, & then emulate or portray to be a certain character in a story. they are “inauthentic to their being”
if i were a disney princess, in my younger years & then if the disney princess matured, i would be Aquata from the little mermaid. Aquata is high spirited, philosophical, intelligent, introverted, shy, quirky & independent. Aquata is a late bloomer. Aquata is known to be free spirited & child like, yet aloof, witty, hard headed & stubborn. Aquata has medium brown hair, hazel eyes, & olive tone skin. Aquata’s colors are: lavender/indigo, sky (air)blue/aqua/greens & reds. Aquata’s symbol is the lightning bolt. Aquata’s animal is the sea deer. Aquata is a crystal indigo mermaid. https://darbisuedunbar.wordpress.com/2017/08/27/sanskara/
Aquata’s astrological sign is aquarius. born in the season of blustering winds & rain, the melting of winter into spring. Aquata’s favorite activities are writing, painting, & creating. Aquata’s favorite musical instruments are: flourish percussions, vocals, the violin, & drums. Aquata loves to dance, though, can be clumsy. Aquata’s favorite foods are: fish eggs (mermi caviar), muscles, oysters, sea slugs, & wild rainbow trout. Aquata also likes sea daisies. Aquata’s quirks are: studying spirit science, philosophical discussions, writing quirky poems, singing to catfish, creativity, belly dancing, aquabatics & studying nature. Aquata is the fastest swimmer out of the other mermaids. Aquata delights in the quirky of life, & lives life innocently & childlike well into adulthood. Aquata is curious about life & a delightful spirit with a wild streak. Aquata is the independent one out of the mermaids & known as the fourth sister. Aquata is known to befriend shipwrecked men, yet Aquata’s naivete has brought Aquata difficult challenges in Aquata’s life. mermen find Aquata too aloof, superficial, & too witty. mermaids find Aquata stupid, superficial, vain, & materialistic. in other words, Aquata isn’t respected in the sea, Aquata is known as the superficial, sacrificial deer of the sea, though Aquata is most honored & respected by the old wise bearded philosophers of the sea.
Aquata’s philosophy on life “everything living is healthiest in natural equilibrium”
Aquata’s activism “technology in harmony with nature” & “life is healthier in equilibrium”
Aquata’s life philosophy ” learn & delight in the cycles & phases of self evolution, learn & delight in every moment of life”
Aquata is an infp, is a late bloomer, & is misunderstood. though Aquata may have an air of superficiality, Aquata is indeed no so. although Aquata appreciates the uniqueness of all the mermi people, & can find some resonance, harmony, & goodness in just about all of the mer people, Aquata finds so many of the mermen & mermaids to be ignorant, superficial, petty, drama laden, & some of them, simply ridiculous. Aquata also has a difficult time around disharmony & lower vibe consciousness. Aquata can be defensive & over protective of self, if around dissonant consciousness, Aquata can’t stand mindlessness, meaninglessness, & manipulative energy. Aquata also can’t stand heartlessness, subjective disrespect, & inauthentic superficial mermi people.
Aquata is a loner, & considers the sea animals Aquata’s only true friends. Aquata can be arrogant & materialistic. Aquata’s material items mean something to Aquata. Aquata has strong boundaries, needs a lot of space, & will get defensive if that is not honored.
Aquata as a little girl. (i used to have my bedroom decorated in a periwinkle/lavender blue, i wore my favorite periwinkle indigo/ pajamas & i had a flying pink horse as my favorite stuffed animal, that i hung on my wall beside my bed.)
~!~ naturalist numbers higher frequency 13,11,9,7,5,3,1 lower frequency
my dominant chakras. means i’m less dominant in the even number chakras, though equalized. 12,10,8,6,4,2 (less dominant)
i’m dominant in my heart chakra, yet (harmonized) with my body as a whole. diamond & diamond four + four = the 8th fire, known as the diamond snake, equalized & harmonized in my body.
sustainable 8th fire (i’m the diamond snake) petite crystal skittle (star & moon seed)
8th fire paradise regained.
born during the season of air & wood.
dominant in elements of consciousness & sound, light & sense, metal & air, wood & earth
medium dark brown hair, hazel eyes, pale or tan olive skin tone. almond-diamond shaped facial bone structure, prominent forehead, smaller chin, oval flesh face. small necklace neck bone, medium slope shoulders, round supple peck breasts, proportional torso (belly button in perfect symmetry from bottom of rib cage to pubic bone, high introverted hips, wider point at pubic bone, round flesh rear, thicker thighs, well defined legs. widest points on my body shoulders & thighs. longer limbs & compact well defined muscle structure, petite, tri doshic athletic.
Darbi (deer woman)
i gain weight evenly on my body, more so, upper arms, bust, lower sol, rear, & thighs.
does raise their fawns without the bucks, does are very protective & self sufficient.
me as a teenager 5’5″ 115-17 lbs me at forty years old 5’4″ 125lbs
i have been vitamin D deficient in my thirties, so i have shrunk
i’m a crystalline human- sirian -avian-elvian- mermi-arcturian orion-lyra, transcended from draconian, orion lyra reptilian
i’m in realm of north node leo, mid heaven sagittarius, & south node aquarius (sirius) “the royal star”
last lifetime born on the cusp of pisces & aries
human star seed color correspondent: silver & gold, lavender/indigo aqua/greens, pink/red, & black
multi-dimensional consciousness
chakra correspondence: crown, heart, root.
i’m a creationist & naturalist, spirit, mind, heart, & in the physical. my dominant chakras are 13,11,9,7,4,1
my auric colors are: silver & gold, lavender/indigo, aquas/greens, pinks/golds/reds, & black
4/4 chakra is the crystalline consciousness within the 7th & 1st chakra in harmony known as the 8th fire (either) birthing in the 4d realm from the 3d realm of the material matrix.
i’m equalized & harmonized in my energy & physical sphere as a petite tri-doshic skittle body type (higher diamond & lower diamond) 4+ 4 =8 also known as the elongated figure eight.
spiritual, mental, emotional, physical intelligence & energy in harmony, not over
if a crystalline human has all master numbers in their numerology chart, in certain areas of their chart, then they have a direct energy from cosmic source through themselves & to the earth, known as sensi, this means that they are crystalline master star seeds.
crystalline human : future, present, & past consciousness
key words: truth, integrity, & harmony
key phrase: everything in life is healthiest in equilibrium.
wish & prayers: consciousness in harmony in humanity, equates to conscious harmony on earth.
crystalline human concerns for the present time of humanity & earth: awareness, (born wide awake) consciousness, innovation, mindfulness, sensitivity, harmony, creativity, human consciousness within the realm of: beauty, harmony, genetics, biology, & evolution.
crystalline human i’m a part of the galactic 8th fire, the crystalline (master) pastel rainbow bridge. other star seeds of the rainbow bridge are the 7th fire rainbow bridge.
rainbow bridge meaning:
multi consciousness, bridge between the higher & lower consciousness, multi biological race, multi genetic combination, multi blood type genealogy. master crystalline star seeds are much more genetically infused from eons of procreation. master crystalline star seeds are of a negative & positive charge in equilibrium. we are cosmic & earth consciousness.
maternal grandfather 0- human sirian avian mermi orion transcended from draconian & reptilian
maternal mother 0- human sirian avaian elvian mermi lyra orion transcended from draconian, lyra orion, & reptilian
paternal grandmother b- human arcturian orion transcended from orion reptilian
paternal grandfather 0+ sirian orian
father b- human sirian arcturian orion, transcended from, orian reptilian
crystalline human stars seed
inward energy: harmonized & equalized in self, no matter the external environment surround by. (most often)
spiritualism: spiritual pantheism, universal religious, or some form of paganism or tribalism.
finely tuned psyche, divergent & convergent thinker, right & left brain equilibrium, psychological empathy, pattern recognition, intellect with heart & soul. i evolve at an even keeled pace throughout life, many people call me a late bloomers, comparably, i am, yet on a wholistic timeline perspective through my life span, i’m even keeled, & enduring in my evolution. i’m younger when i’m young, & younger when i ‘m older, compared to people around my age.
character: dignified, reserved, untrusting, (can be naïve), shy with people i don’t know, polite, yet can be unfriendly, harmonized with intellect & emotional processes, articulate expressions, sincere, genuine, creative, i undulate between high & low physical energy. i can exude tremendous physical strength, even if meek in my stature.
sensitive & loyal to the few i’m close with (if people in my life). i prefer smaller, closer knit tribe of like spirited, minded, hearted, & physical resonance. i find my way away from dissonance or avoid dissonance. i have had a difficult time with disharmony.
my physical characteristics: medium dark color hair, medium or darker skin tone, dark freckles on my skin, almost looking strategic in place on my body like a constellation of stars, scientifically attractive, symmetrical, piercing hypnotic dark hazel eyes, medium nose, & lush mouth, oval face shape with defined bone structure, delicate, well defined face with larger features, delicate yet well defined compaction in muscle & body formation, longer limbs, medium bone structure, 5’-4 “tall.
also, many different star seeds are super genetically diverse, because we’re older, even if our most recent physical expression seems either : modern, semi-modern, or older, or no matter the most recent skin color kin (i’m light or tan olive with medium dark brown hair, & dark hazel eyes, & i love! my genetic expression), this is my most recent genetic expression.
in history through colonization, religion, war, slave trade, procreation migration (which just about every culture living on the planet has taken part in) dna & biology has been mixed & shared. lighter & darker color of people, different shades of people, different kinds of people. in many regions, often times, what was recently or once darker people are now lighter, & visa versa, what was once lighter people, are now darker people, what was once one kind of people are now another kind of people, what was once a taller people, are now a shorter people, what was once a shorter people are now taller people. this is most often the case. so many lighter color people that demean darker color people, may be demeaning themselves within some or much! of their biological dna coding, & visa versa, many darker color people may demean lighter color people, when they are really demeaning their own biological dna coding, some or much! of their own genetics. throughout histories time, who really colonized, religioned, wared, slave traded whom, on the grand scale of histories past? sit down for a second & think on these things. who’s lives matter?
i know that all of my ancestors were on different sides of religion, whether harmonious or arranged.
in very ancient past, different sides of the sword, different sides of slave trading, & different directions of migration, modernly, past, & ancient.
tri-doshic body type of equalized higher & lower physical expression, more of a light body structure, equalized as a child, grew into slightly more ascended structure during puberty & grew into self through teenage years until equalized. stayed equalized throughout adulthood, then descending physical energy until death. light body skittle body type, to a more prominent skittle body type, to a slightly descended skittle body type. (very youthful & fertile throughout life cycle) i have looked ten years younger than my age throughout my life, if taking good care of myself. nature & nurture. this is because i have healthy dna.
concerned with beauty, harmony, health, genetic composition, biology, procreation & biological sustainability, in human, animal, & plant life.
not impressed with socially constructed race, with socially constructed classes, not impressed with the social constructs of society, not impressed with the 3d matrix system in present time.
do not believe in quantum leaping or stagnation.
difficult time on 3d consciousness on earth, i feel deeply misunderstood at times.
i have a long connection to north africa, arabia & the fertile crescent.
conspiracy theories about me as a crystalline human.
that i have evil agendas. untrue. i’m an endearing & revered spirit in the lowest of the galactic energy, holding space in the 8th galactic sphere.
that i am scannable or cloneable. untrue. while i may be naive because of such a pure & harmonized spirit between the higher & lower consciousness on the planet, i am weary, untrusting in my core, with anything that is disharmonious. also, crystalline humans can not be mentally or biologically cloned, as with all master humans, we do not carry dna from monkeys, we are evolved.
that i lack intelligence because i don’t try to manipulate people, that i’m not intelligent in the way of prominent left brain intelligence, or that i’m aloof, & not as right brained (i think equilibrium in the brain is most cerebral sufficient). that i am weak willed & not determined. (my determination is felt & acted upon from the inside out in authentic harmonious natural time cycles.) that i’m not satisfied. (crystalline satisfaction is found from within & outside in harmony, even within the 3d matrix system), though can be moody, because of finely tuned psyche & physiology if my nature isn’t being nurtured.
crystalline humans are innocent & pure beings, that can be manipulated & taken advantage of, (sometimes we don’t even know if we are being manipulated in some way) & if naïve, we are prone to dealing with malignant energy, in which causes us to defend ourselves & protect ourselves. we detest manipulative energy & people.
crystalline human star seeds are against other beings that use technology to manipulate, harm, or destroy nature.
fact: we are the most genuine star seed counsel of the galactic energy sphere.
cosmic & earth energy that comes natural to crystalline human star seeds : no matter what happens to us in the external, (outside of ourselves) the cosmic & earth energy tends to harmonize in our favor. we are known as having the strongest natural cosmic & earth luck by chance. so if people are trying to manipulate us, its most often a lose situation for them, not us, as a matter of fact, its often a winning situation for us, without trying to win, because we don’t play mind games, even though we may be accused as such, that is simply their projection.
crystalline master star seed humans often have weird luck by chance, meaning if someone has manipulative or has ill intentions for us, or reacts to a crystalline human star seed from a dissonant vibrational consciousness & perspective reality than our own, that is their own doing to themselves, not us.
so many different star seed beings think that they! are the best, other star seeds think low of themselves.
crystalline star seeds neither think high or low of themselves, we are satisfied with our evolution in life, we love life like a child. we are self aware & self loving beings that hold the frequency of harmony throughout our life cycles & life span, we wouldn’t have it any other way.
# writing update # summer solstice # eclipses # full buck moon in sagittarius # philosophers moon ~!~
the eclipses were around the summer solstice, & then the penumbral eclipse in early july, the full buck moon in sagittarius, also known as the philosopher’s moon. the year is half over. i have been settling in michigan & in my cocoon cycle for a year & a half. i went into this year 30% hopeful & 70% pessimistic (thinking i was going to have to deal with extreme noise pollution six months out of the year.) i wasn’t very inspired for this year & living at home, i was devastated in thinking i was going to have to listen to insane machinery for six months out of the year. then the pandemic came, & i went through a phase of anxiety & pessimism. i came out of this spring & into the summer with the air of serenity, very little noise pollution, it was quiet, only half an hour of noise once or twice a week, though still annoying because it violates the decibel noise & pollutes the air & destroys the natural area. it has been drastically different than last summer/fall. i feel like i can live my life in serenity all year round, & i feel 100% hopeful creating & living my life here at home, my favorite place in the deer forest.
i stopped drinking wine as a medicinal numbing agent, & have been renewing, rebalancing, rebuilding, reclaiming, rekindling, & recharging (those are the words on the kombucha bottle, as i have replaced wine with kombucha a month ago).
i’ve re- planned my timeline for this year & next years, for more resonance & safety in my life.
during this time of year, i have more energy & vitality, & during the eclipse energies its a good time to breathe within, intellectually & emotionally process, re-due, refine, & then breathe out & start a new cycle, within the cycle of the season & the year.
i love the philosopher’s moon, it is one of my favorite moons of the year. i feel inspired with evolving insights & wisdom.
i’ve been healing, empowering, & integrating in myself going through my cycles.
cocooning & nurturing.
raising kitties.
organizing
settling in.
i have finished my writing, editing, & polishing my writing. i’m done writing, yet my books will be an on going process for a couple of years.
getting back on my beauty, spa, health, & wellness regimen in more of a feng shui focus
domestic responsibilities
photo projects, drawing & painting, & making artisan soaps for & not for profit (for poverty stricken areas in the world that don’t have excess to soap during the pandemic)
i will be working on my house, basic things that need to get done & survivalist Suzy homesteading for the rest of the year.
creative house & garden projects, restoring the original bright white walls in the house, as they have been painted over. the bright white walls with windows, bring more light in & in the spring, summer, & early fall reflect the green on the trees, making the walls look translucent pearly mint green. i miss the reflection of nature on the walls of this house!
grounding & rooting down.
the first four photos are of early spring in the deer sanctuary, & spring’s blossoms in may. the next photo i took during the philosopher’s moon. the next photos are Unesa & Alguzlan cat nap time, the last photo is june’s spring bloom in the deer forest.
i’ve decided that i’m going to get my lily lotus tattoo on the back of my neck darkened with darker tribal ink & add a female deer standing on top of the lily lotus. i’ve been wanting to darken my lily tattoo right after i got it.
i got my lily lotus tattoo with my best friend/love when i was 28 years old. i got a lily lotus with 18 petals 8+1 = 9 cosmic energy & the philosophers number, also entering my life path 9, the path of wisdom. lily lotus is a symbol of enlightenment & serenity, also my middle name Sue means “graceful lily”
i would like to add a tribal ink outline of a female deer standing on top of the lily lotus. the deer represents my name, free woman, deer woman, its also a crystalline star seed symbol & connected to the constellation of pegasus in aquarius, where the constellation was when i was born. the deer is youthful, new moon waxing, i was born on a new moon waxing, reminding me of my innocence & youth, & that my inner child is still alive & well despite what i have been through in the madness that is society. its also a sign of independence & freedom & to mother myself. also, i had decided at 40 years old that i don’t want to have children, thus i’m the end of my genetic code.
below the lily lotus i’m going to get my name tattooed in arabic.
i would never get a tattoo anywhere else on my body, besides the back of my neck. i don’t like tattoos anywhere else, besides tribal tattoos on the neck, wrists, & angles. everything else looks like a big birth mark or bruise if tribal, or tacky if not a tribal tattoo, my opinion. i wanted to get my deer tattoo on my ankle when i was 28 years old, but i didn’t want it to look like a bruise, so i never got it.
as a psychological evaluation, psychologists often time use picture cards in determining someone’s consciousness level, perspective subjective reality, state of mind, & mood. what each card symbolizes to the patient personally, what they identify with.
this is also done with tarot readings, if the tarot reader were to apply meaning & symbolism (subjectively) to each card read for someone else, this would be a false reading, because the tarot reader is reading from their own consciousness level, their own perspective subjective reality, where as a good tarot reader understands the objective meaning of the cards, yet, it is up to the person who is getting the reading to apply the objective cards to their own subjective perspective, & what the cards mean to them personally.
a card could mean something subjectively to the reader, yet the tarot reader may have an opposite feeling about the card if they drew that card for themselves, their subjective reality is way different, they perceive the card in a completely different light. this is the art of identification, in what one identifies something with based upon their perspective subjective reality at any given point in time.
this is the same with communication. people communicate with each other through their own psychological & emotional perspective realities. the words expressed, emotional tone, & body language can mean completely different things to people, especially with different spiritual beliefs & cultures. this is how different subjective realities are within humanity.
sane, integrated or mostly integrated people (people with integrity) say what they mean & mean what they say. they are honest, straightforward, & assertive with their communication style, unless protecting themselves or being sarcastic.
insane, fragmented people (people who lack integrity) never say it straight, never say what they mean, or mean what they say, they speak between the lines of words, & read between the lines of other’s (who may be integrated or not), sometimes to that of absurdity.
people are often undulating in consciousness, whether conscious, semi conscious, or unconscious. aware & conscious people are multi consciousness, thus can choose their conscious perspective reality for conscious manifestation. that is empowerment of the psyche. more about that in my writing here:https://darbisuedunbar.wordpress.com/2018/12/20/consciousness-perspectives/
what people identify with from an objective perspective & subjective perspective is important. a symbol could mean something very different to two different people.
consciousness play
stars. the stars have scientific meaning. to me the stars are a guiding map for astronomical & astrological science, & guidance or compass on earth.
planets. the planets have objective scientific meaning. subjectively i’m connected to the planets, each planet means something to me & the energy correlation with the planets in my astrological birth chart such as sun in aquarius & moon in pisces. the sun is a yang energy, & the moon is a yin energy (cyclic) like the birth & death cycles, & the moon phases of a woman’s life, moon cycles of women with the phases of 28 days, thus, i often subjectively associate the sun with men & the moon with women (wemoon).
rainbow. the rainbow has its scientific meaning. rainbows are found in cosmic dust & light prisms in the sky, weather a sunbow or moon bow. to me subjectively, the rainbow illustrates what colors the human eye is evolved to see, the different colors making up different colors. colors hold different frequencies, & can be used for color therapy. the rainbow also correlates to the chakra system from my perspective. the rainbow bridge is a new age term, meaning undulating between higher or lower consciousness, & also the rainbow bridge in my understanding with a new age meaning means multi racial collaboration. any other meaning of the rainbow does not resonate with me.
numbers. numbers are an objective man made invention to understand life in a meaningful way, time keeping, calendars, & used for measurement & mechanical purposes. numbers also have objective & subjective meaning in harmonic resonance in mathematics, such as frequencies & vibrations. for instance, the number 1 frequency is a steady & slow, frequency & the number 7 is a higher faster frequency. numbers in accordance to frequency can be in accordance with the chakra system as well in reference to vibrational frequency.
numbers have meaning in the cosmic & earth sense scientifically, such a the dimensions of physics & gravity.
numbers have objective metaphysical meaning as well.
how do we restore politeness & civility in a world gone mad? how do we restore good social mannerisms? how do we restore speaking honest truths with kindness & diplomacy?
politeness: behavior that is respectful and considerate of other people.
i need to restore myself from dealing with society. i was once the most polite & civil person i had ever known, then the world got crazier & crazier. although i’ve been neutral most often, surrounded by craziness, my politeness & gracefulness has dwindled. i ignore, speak my truth with sophistication, or at time i can be witty to dissonant energy toward me or mean to narco-socio-psychopathic energy directed toward me, which i try not respond from my lower consciousness.
one thing that my mother had expressed to me in my early thirties, when i was having a difficult time dealing with difficult people was, “think of adult people as the children that they are inside, as the children they once were, that is how you can find detached compassion for people, even the manipulative, provoking, awful children on the playground.” i thought that was wise wisdom, & i have tried my best to always view people through that lens, without practicing idiot compassion.
# psychology # sociology # popular culture # humanities
in my first writing on popular culture & humanities, i had expressed the eras & cultures of the times in reference to mindlessness vs. mindfulness, & meaningless vs. meaningfulness, on many levels, also the era, trends, & times, in reference to culture & social constructs.
in this writing i will express my thoughts & opinions on pretention vs. authenticity & meaningless vs. meaningfulness more in depth.
people reside on different consciousness levels & have different perspective & different subjective realities. authenticity is objective & subjective. authenticity of people’s spirits, minds, souls, emotions, & physical beings, that are ever evolving & undulating is in tune with the authenticity of people’s different conscious perspective realities. being authentic is to be authentic with self & express self authenticity with others “at any given point in time.” simply. people express themselves from different consciousness levels, some people are deeply self aware & express themselves with objective truth & their subjective truth in harmony, so many people are not very self aware, they are superficial, with superficial knowledge on so many realms & express objective truth with their subjective truth in harmony, with a superficial lens. other people delve into the world of make believe, where there is no objective truth, more so, subjective illusive truths, this is in the realm of meaninglessness, or without true meaning or true authenticity.
i have never lived my life in a meaningless way, though i’ve been superficial with others at times throughout my life.
i watched a listening podcast about the presentation, self expression & authenticity of different people. it was about the different consciousness levels & how people present themselves & express themselves to others, either way, they were authentic to themselves & others, from their consciousness levels, from their perspectives & subjective realities.
the subject of the podcast was the trend of people working from home, or having to work from home during these times, & the backgrounds of the people using technology & online platforms for their news reporting, journalism, conference calls, & meetings online. the podcast was about the trend of people using their bookshelves as a background on online video interactions. some criticized the trend, as thinking people are being pretentious with the bookshelf backgrounds, as to seem intelligent, intellectual, well educated, well read & or, the type of books they have on their shelves, expressing themselves or expressing who they are or portraying themselves to be. i found the podcast to be interesting. i think that many people working from home, work in their offices & libraries, that happen to have books. working from home, the most professional or serious space for professional video news reporting, or conference calls, would be an office setting. its good fengshui. all other rooms in the house are personal spaces, i think it would be a little too personal if a news reporter, reported the national news from their living room. yet more personal rooms with a neutral or natural backdrop for professional video recording may not be good fengshui, yet presentable via video backdrop(what ever room the video recording takes place) as people wouldn’t know what kind of room a reporter was reporting from, such as a plain wall with plants, a sweeping window, or an indoor/outdoor room.
i think some people prefer to have bookshelves for their background, for different reasons of their own. some people think its professional & serious looking, or give off their energy of intelligent, intellectual, well educated, & well read, some people express themselves or express who they are (with the type of books they have read or on their shelves) or portraying themselves to be, some people think the bookshelf is a good background because it adds texture to the video, & some people are simply video recording from their office or library, unaware of the background, which just so happens to be a bookshelf full of books. either way, i think people are being authentic to their perspective reality, even if superficial or pretentious> attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed.
there is a company that sells color coded “books for show” where people buy the books to put on their shelves for decorative purposes. that is pretention mixed with interior design.
personally, if i was professionally news casting via video, i wouldn’t report from home. if i had to report from my house, i would use a simple background with chimes & plants, in my office- drawing-artisan room, not my library- painting room, or any other room. when i photograph myself, i’m a photographer, an artist, a self expressive person, i’m capturing myself in suspended time in some space, place, & moment in time through what ever phase of life i’m in & where ever i’m at. i try not to take pictures in more intimate & sacred spaces, yet i am sacred, & wherever i’m living, i make sacred & these days, i only dwell in sacred spaces, wholly.
i wouldn’t care about the intentional energy of my intellect, or the fact that i’ve read all of the books on my bookshelves, & plan to read the books i haven’t read, at some point, nor would i pretend that i was a highly qualified intellect & well educated, i wouldn’t care about portraying myself in a certain way, i wouldn’t use the bookshelves for esthetics either, & i definitely wouldn’t use or buy books i wasn’t going to read for pretention or décor. half of the books that i have, are special to me, resonant, important, & some of them have gotten me through difficult times. i have a lot of books that i hold dear & refer back to. the other half of the books are on different subjects of my interests, informative, or reference books that i refer back to.
i have a post on my wordpress called “the magic of Isis” about the egyptian goddess Isis. i posted the artwork of the front page of the book, because i love the artwork, yet i have not read the book. i would like to buy the book, because it sounds like an interesting read, & i have read many books, & watched many documentaries on egyptolology, especially when i was 29 years old going into my 30’s. i deeply resonated with the stories, wisdom, & scrolls about Isis & Osiris, & deeply resonated with goddess Isis & her wisdom. so, in genuine interest, i would like to buy that book, i’m sure i will love it, & i will add it to my “collection” of philosophy & cultural anthropology. some people may say i’m being superficial or pretentious for posting the front cover (artwork) of a book i have not yet read, that is their subjective perspective, not mine.
so many people have wanted me to portray myself to be a sun in pisces & moon in aries in alignment with the philosophy of tropical seasonal astrology. i refuse indoctrination of false, mythical, astronomical astrological cosmic & earth science. tropic zodiac is a false ingraining, based on nothing more than mythos & a bastardization of the true astronomical astrological cosmic & earth science. i am a sun in aquarius & moon in pisces. i am this era. i am mastering the epitome of galactic intelligence on earth, through my lifetime, known as the 8th fire.
this is the same with books, art, music, documentaries, & film that i take interest in, resonate with, like, or love. none of what i engage my spirit, mind (intellect), emotions, & time with, & collect, is pretentious, superficial, or meaningless. i do not “show off”, i do not “portray to be”, i do not “vibe of myself”, or express myself in a way for “show & tell”, i’m not a kindergartener, nor do i “abide by trends that are popular” buying books, just because its a new york times best seller or highly acclaimed. that is non sense in my world. i’m interested what i’m interested in.
books: academics, learning, understanding, knowledge, wisdom, knowledge that would compliment my own wisdom, knowledge & wisdom that resonates with my own, or that i find dissonance with for learning or understanding different perspectives better, opening my mind scope, absorbing knowledge that i infuse with my wisdom, intuitive knowing, feeling, vibing wisdom, information, knowledge & wisdom that i infuse with my own “natural wisdom” & self cultivation in genuine harmony of my inner knowing, evolving, & self expression as a philosopher, writer, artist, & woman in myself, my liveliness & life path. living from the inside out with integrity & authenticity.
when i was growing up, i had my own little library of illustrated indi fairytale books that i loved! as a child, & all through my younger years, i wanted to be a writer & illustrator of fairytales. as a child, i also loved my father’s library, especially his animal card collection (just about every animal known to mankind), as my father studied zoology in college, & also his collection of national geographic magazines & books. i was fascinated by his collections. through my pre teen & teenage years, i read a plethora of books in my parents library, & my father’s extensive library, of academic subjects, knowledge, wisdom, poetry, & literary books. books that fascinated me. i learned more from my parents libraries, than i did at school. my favorite subjects of interests were cosmology, spirituality, philosophy, new age wisdom, self help books, psychology, cultural anthropology, ethology, biology, & evolution. other subjects included poetry, literature, art books, & art history. these have been my favorite subjects of learning through my twenties & thirties as well. i’ve never! stopped learning & educating myself.
in my twenties & thirties, i have checked books out at the library, borrowed, or bought books. i bought books that i resonated with, & that i’d knew i would love, & to add to my “collection”. i have had a relationship with my books, growing up, through my teenage, twenties, thirties, & now.
i have read many books through my twenties & thirties, that i would like to buy for my “collection”. i’m also interested in buying books of my interests, that i have or have not yet read, yet i know that i would love! & have a relationship with, such as a lot of spirit science & psycho-biology books, a lot of different science books, Osho’s books, varies philosophy books, cultural anthropology books, old international poetry & literature, home steading, self survival, & other life books.
my grandmother Virginia, probably wouldn’t know what to do with herself half of the time without her Kahlil Gibran collection, all of her other books of poetry, writing, & without her classical music collection. i’m much the same with my favorite books, my own writing! & my favorite listening music, new age, ambient, classical, & world lounge music.
i have loved spirituality, philosophy, poetry & creative writing the most, such as Kahlil Gibran.
i also like simple books kept on a living room table. such as a simple book of doaist quotes, or magazines & simple books with stunning photography, like travel magazines or books.
i have never had the time or patience to read new & old literature as much. i have much preferred the dynamics of movies, theater, & ballet.
art: i have drawn & painted all of my life, on & off through different times in my life. as a child & growing up, i loved illustration. i also loved asian art. my mother had a friend that gave me intricate japanese paper art, & i loved it. i loved international art as well. my father received international mail, & gave me the stamps, i have collected stamps from childhood on through my twenties. as a child & growing up i had a plethora of art books, whether of well known artists, art history, or learning books. i loved Claude Monet’s work & many artist’s work from around the world. my learning art books (which i have had many), were for my learning & practice of my skills & different styles & techniques of painting. i have painted in so many different ways using different styles, techniques & mediums. that was creative & fun for me & my artistic learning sense. my favorite, was/is spiritual meditation drawing (ink) & watercolor when i was a child, pre-teen, teenager & in my twenties. i love creating meditative & spiritual art the most, i also love illustration.
music: i have loved music at a young age. as a child, preteen, & teenager, i grew up listening to my mother’s classical music collection, that she was always playing in the house. i loved it! i loved the enchantment of classical music. i was one to pick lilacs & greens put a bouquet together, decorate the house, after my mother & i cleaned, while listening to classical music. or leisure time, weekends, & holidays, my mother always had classical music playing. i loved many composers, Tchaikovsky, (my favorite) Vivaldi, & many others. i also loved new age healing music & Cat Stevens in my per-teen years & teenage years. i liked a plethora of different older eras & genres of music from my father’s collection. i was not much into modern music other than a few female vocalists. everything else modern, i listened to with my friends because they liked some modern music of different modern genres of music, & or we thought it was fun. my immediate & extended family have always played music together, on both my mother’s & father’s side. many people in my family are musically inclined. there has never been a gathering or holiday without playing music in family jam sessions. i have always sang & played flourish percussions.
through my twenties i listened to much of the same music i did growing up, a lot of new age music, ambient, classical, & a whole lot of world music! just about every place i worked in my mid & later twenties, i had my favorite kinds of music playing, if i wasn’t listening to new age, ambient, classical, world lounge, & world music, i was listening to it on my headphones, as i walked most everywhere, & barely drove, or i was listening to it at home. i also liked different local music, & appreciated & supported local musicians. i listened to the music i grew up to from my father’s collection older eres & genre’s of music at times as well. also some different genres of modern music, like ambient techno, or pop/hip hop such as Aayliah for dance/exercise or fun with friends that liked or had fun with that music.
documentaries & film
growing up, & in my teenage years, the only documentaries i watched were on the science or discovery channels. i also liked old fashion disney as a child, & disney fairytales. in my pre-teen years my favorite theatric ballet to watch was “the nut cracker sweet”.
people collect things for varies reasons. i have collected stamps from around the world, because as a child, i had always loved the stamps that were posted on the international mail that my father received, he gave them to me, & had said that i should start a stamp collection, so i did. i have the stamps in scrap books in alphabetical order of countries. i have & still have collected clothing, my grandmother Virgina, my mother, & myself, have always loved clothing of our specific tastes. in my twenties & thirties, & going into my forties, i collected/collect books, music, precious stones, crystals & plants. my collections mean something to me. i’m resonant with my collections, & nurture my collections often. i would like to have a collection of my favorite movies, & some movies that i love as well. i have to start over with my precious crystal & stone collection, as my collection was stolen from me when i was in my early 30’s. i had crystals & stones that i had bought in certain phases & times in my life that meant something to me, around my mid-twenties, i worked in a crystal shop & a precious stone shop, i also was gifted crystals & stones that meant something to me, & i had crystals & stones that i bought on my travels.
people have collections of things & personal libraries for varies reasons. i respect people who collect things & have libraries that are meaningful to them in their own way.
my father has always been a seeker of knowledge & has an inclination to absorb a lot of knowledge. his library is diverse & extensive. he researches & refers back to a lot of his books, a lot of his books are important & meaningful to him. he is also a collector. his library is a treasure of information & knowledge.
another more objective reason i respect people with collections of books, music, art & film & extensive libraries of academic studies, information, knowledge & wisdom on a diversity of subjects is because, it is tangible, it is evidential, it is enduring, & ever lasting. if one were to live an old fashion life, & not so much connected to the modern world, & or some national crisis were to occur, these “things” are considerably “treasure” to some degree. knowledge & wisdom should be protected. this modern era, is rapidly moving into the era of a lot of lost knowledge & wisdom, & being replaced with a lot of falsities. the era of technocracy is upon everyone, like a robotic dictatorship. the google online world library wants to replace all books for an online world library. while that is plausible, & would be informative, that would take decades to do, accurately. though, i do not! think books should be “replaced”. if there were no more books in the world, the people controlling the robotic Orwellian librarian, would be the deciding factor of what information, knowledge, & wisdom to share, rewrite, & delete. within the deletion, the information, knowledge, & wisdom would be lost forever, never to be rediscovered by future generations. that is a scary, possible, future reality.
pretention & or meaningful symbolism has been very trendy throughout eras & times. many paintings throughout history portraying books in the background, symbolic of intelligence & prestige. paintings throughout times have portrayed many symbolic references portraying different things such as religion, occult sciences, intellect, status, prestige, class, a specific group of people, human character, social standings, social mannerisms, & sexuality.
pretention is often associated with haughtiness>the appearance or quality of being arrogantly superior and disdainful. pretention has always been associated with the upper classes.
is pretention genetic? whos to say? pretention is a social ingraining.
i have never been pretentious, though my mother helped me, with a resume for a high end job that overstated my credentials one time in my mid twenties.
any other pretention i have ever exhibited, was direct & obvious sarcasm or witty defensiveness with the people involved.
i have never been an arrogant person. growing up, through my teenage, twenties & early thirties, i was shy, & mistaken for being “stuck up”. i became arrogant, in my mid-later thirties, after dealing with an awful lot of psychotic energy & hate for years on end. i became over self loving, & self protective, then in my later later thirties, developed narcissistic tendencies of arrogant self love & instead of ignoring hate all of the time, or expressing myself with sophistication in my defense, i expressed myself from my lower conscious self defense, at times being sarcastic, mocking & miming consciousness levels & low vibe humor, in my own bounds, in some private writings, & toward my mother.
pretention vs. inspiration & manifestation
some people are simply pretentious. others are authentic to themselves with objective truths in harmony with their subjective truths, ever evolving. if one such person expresses themselves & expresses their own inspiration for themselves, their own potential of themselves, their own dreams & goals for themselves, from their authentic being, from the inside out, that is not pretentious, that is focused energetic intention & imprinting oneself & one’s life, it is high consciousness & inspirational independent creating for one’s self & one’s life. it is super consciousness of self intentional intentions for oneself & one’s life, it is super conscious evolutionary future thinking (where only the present & future exist). it is the intelligence of the nurture IS the nature, phenomenon. it is evolving in the moving space of time in one’s own divinity, true to oneself, deeply, uniquely, authentic, living in one’s highest & unique potential. to disrupt self or be disrupted, on such a deeply spiritual & personal inner & outward journey & inner & outer manifestation, is a form of violence.
i’ve been a fan of Dr. Masaru’s work for a long time.
a simple example:
something many people can relate to, health & wellness, fitness & weight management
i will use myself as an example. i’m a good one to use for this subject because i’m a tri-doshic body type. i tend to go up & down in my weight loss & gain, despite having an average to good metabolism. tri-doshic people like myself, may have a healthy balanced diet, yet tend to have appetite indulgences. also, go through phases of higher or balanced physical activity or phases of little physical activity. i have most always had a good balance with my diet & physical activity & fitness, though i have gone through limited phases of my life (a month or so), when i was not on my healthiest regimen of wholistic wellness for myself, & i had gained some weight (though limited periods of time). i love my body, even at my maximum healthy weight for my age, height, & frame, though i feel healthiest with less weight on my petite frame. so, if i’m in a phase of my life where i’m eating less, or eating healthy & exercising during a season & my weight is in undulation between 117-120 lbs, & i’m somewhat toned & fit, & i beautify myself with a little mascara, some lip gloss, & have a good healthy sun tan, & i take a picture of myself before going out socially & post it to social media as my current picture & happenings in my life sphere, with dignity & self respect expressing my beauty, art & health as a self intentional woman of health & wellness manifestation for myself, living closest to my healthiest potential, & someone thinks i’m being “pretentious” by posting that photo, that is their issue, not mine. if in another season, a year later, i go through a limited phase (a month or a season of gradual weight gain), when i’m not on my strict eating plan & i’m less physically active, & i gain some weight & maybe also, haven’t been on my beauty, health, & wellness regimen so much, & maybe also have not gotten any vitamin d absorption from the sun & not caring so much about my appearance, & or have been more inward focused (like academic studies or therapy), or busy with different things (like writing books, or other time consuming projects), or feeling unsettled in my life & environment, or weather seasons, or have not acclimated to the new climate in a new place, or dealing with sadness & grief, or stress, anxiety, or mild ptsd, or some crisis & in my life,(although during most times like those i’ve still been equalized in myself, healthy, & balanced in my life, just not all of the time in some of those limited phases in those phases, (life is not black & white), or have not been equalized in myself & my life sphere with my feng- shui self, feng- shui schedule, & living sphere, beauty, spa, health & wellness regimen, domestic responsibilities, certain projects i put to the side, (very few times in my life for limited times, of a month or so, the longest period of time has been 3 years, at 39 years old going into my forties at 41 years old, though healthy diet (most often) not strict healthy diet & (spirits & too much wine), though physically active at times, not nearly as physically active as usual, not on my beauty & spa regimen, & simply not equalized in myself, feng-shuied & my living feng shui schedule, daily & monthly responsibilities all due to: inward energy, breathing in, self therapy, writing four books, re-routing my life, because of dissonant energy & environment, in florida, feeling stifled & trapped in home ownership, with no where else to stay & feeling extremely home sick! & the extreme weather temperatures & water in the air, all year round, in florida, inevitable exhaustion, misophonia due to extreme!!! noise pollution, for 3 years, 6 to 8 hours a day, for 6 months out of the year & then the same in michigan, for 6 months (which caused 70% of my anxiety), stress, & then anxiety from dealing with nsps & psychopaths, semi city living, which is a long list in & of itself such as: zero privacy, claustrophobia, extreme noise, living around dissonance, living around the struggle, dissonant place, high traffic, low conscious awful vibes in people & places, & the state in general in florida, the ill society in general, depression from dealing with my mother, deep grief over the death of my 17 year old cat, dealing with two major hurricanes in florida, & then moving from the hottest, nastiest florida summer on record, to the coldest polar vortex winter seen in michigan since the early 1900s, (though enchanting & stunning) i’m already hyper sensitive to extreme temperatures & weather patterns, & have a difficult time acclimating to average seasons, let alone the extremes, & dealing with a scary pandemic ravaging the country, through all of that, i’ve maintained a healthy weight, yet slowly gained weight after i turned forty, & reached my maximum weight during the spring pandemic.
although during most times of dealing with external dissonance in phases of my life, i’ve still been equalized in myself & my life sphere, healthy & physically active, just not all of the time in some of those limited phases within those phases. so, with all of that being said, on social media, i still had my healthier picture of myself up on my website, because i hadn’t taken any recent picture of myself, (i mostly have current pictures of myself on my websites, & like to use current pictures, my favorite pictures, or artistic pictures as my “profile picture”, or i like that photo of myself & someone meets me, or visits me, & thinks i’m pretentious for having my healthier picture of myself up on my profile picture on my website, as i don’t look as healthy in present time, during a limited phase within a phase in that certain time in my life. or they think i photo shopped my photo, that is their issue, not mine.
i have been equalized & harmonized in myself most of my life & have lived a very healthy life, & in my twenties & thirties have weighed between 120-130lbs toned of consistent undulation, & there have been a few times in my life, in certain phases, for a month or few months or so i had weighed my maximum weight at 135-140 lbs in undulation. some people have made a great deal about those few times in my life, where i had weighed my maximum weight or five pounds over, & soft toned. i was harassed for years over a few photographs taken during those times, & where the angle was not straight on, & i was wearing oversized clothing, plus a camera adds ten pounds. to be harassed for years on end, for my healthy yet curvier weight gain, & or in oversized clothing, or photo shopped with ill intentions, in photographs at times in my life, or pressured to lose weight, is the opposite of my self intentional health & wellness manifestation. i had counterbalanced that ill intended energy, with self intentional, self inspiration, self love, & self expression. i’m inspired by my self, not people who are ill minded, obsessive, & psychotic or other intentional. have a nice day.
another simple example of pretention vs. inspiration & manifestation is, lifestyle.
again, i’ll use myself as an example. self evolving, self creating, & creating resonant, equalized, feng- shuied life sphere within my life existence of equilibrium, throughout all phases on my journey in my life. lifestyle, the way i live, i have most always! lived feng-shuied in myself & my life sphere equalized & in harmony in my life. i have always! lived in my own feng shui & ikegai, in equilibrium.
yet there have been limited phases within phases of my life where i had not been balanced in my equalized feng shui self & my sphere, my ikegai, giving energy to a certain area or areas of my ikegai, off balancing other areas, thus not being perfectly equalized & harmonized in myself or my life sphere for a time. a simple example, that i think many people can relate to is domestic chores. i have kept an immaculate “feng shuied” home
no matter where i’ve lived, since i was 19 years old, living on my own, besides times i wasn’t feeling well with a cold, my house was quite organized & clean, maybe some cat or dog hair here & there if i hadn’t swept for a week. from 39-40 years old, i’ve been on strike! i’m exhausted after 22 years of being on my own & doing everything on my own, besides financial help from my mother. my domestic chores have been little to null, due to all of the things i had mentioned in the paragraph above, of not being equalized & harmonized in myself or my life sphere, 39 years old to 40 years old, mostly due to exhaustion. that is the phase i’ve been in, within a new phase of my life i’m in my cocoon. i’m not trying to network or socialize with anyone at this time. would i invite anyone into my life during such a phase within a phase? no, i would not, i have no desire to, nor would i invite someone to my messy unkept house, i’m polite, & would only invite trusted people that i know well, to my home, if i was open to people i knew well within trusted social interaction, & if my house was feng- shuied & clean, that is polite & dignified, not pretentious.
i would never “pretend” that i’m equalized & harmonized in myself & my life sphere, if i was not. yet i would flow into my equilibrium naturally, in due time in myself & in my life sphere, when breathing in slowly becomes breathing out slowly, even if the qi breath takes awhile, living from the inside out through my evolutionary phases is authentic as one can be. i have lived gracefully & authentically all of my life. i have been graceful with myself even if i’ve been difficult with myself. i have never lived a pretentious life.
pretention vs. dignity
pretending is pretending something is when it isn’t . dignity is a form of reserved social mannerisms. dignity is a form of self respect. dignity is reserved behavior. on my websites i’m impersonal & personal with my expressions. in my life i’m impersonal with people in general. that doesn’t make me pretentious, that makes me reserved & dignified. i don’t pretend to be anything other than me.
a simple example:
it is my choice what i do with my websites online (for creative online canvas as a medium forum as a philosopher, writer, photographer, artist & for my business). these are my websites. i choose my authentic, creative essence of myself, yet i’m reserved, i’m going to post photos of myself that are creative, portray my spirit, my mind, my soul, my mood, & physical self, or photos that mean something to me personally, i’m impersonal otherwise. i’m not going to post a picture of me with somewhat messy hair, meditating or other such “everyday” personal photos for the world to see, just as i don’t walk around the street in my negligee having personal conversations with strangers, its just not my flow, just as i wouldn’t invite people over to my home that may be messy with cat hair on the couch, i feel that’s impolite, i would rather express myself creatively & feng shui’d, & photos that actually look like me in real time,(good photography & real time capturing) photos of me that are decent, that i like, that capture my healthy vitality in spirit, mind, soul, emotions, & physical. just as i would invite people to my home, when my home is clean, organized, & feng shuied. that is higher consciousness, polite, & reserved, not pretentious. i protect my essence, spirit, mind, emotions, body & dignity. i’m not a reality t.v. star, nor do i want to be, i don’t exploit myself in that way for strangers. i don’t believe in exploitation. i believe in reservation. i believe in respect, truthful politeness, integrity & dignity.
dig·ni·ty
/ˈdiɡnədē/
Learn to pronounce
noun
noun: dignity
the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.
Phrases
stand on one’s dignity — insist on being treated with due respect.
Origin
Middle English: from Old French dignete, from Latin dignitas, from dignus ‘worthy’.
pretention vs. expression
pretention is pretending something is when it isn’t. self expression is spiritual, mental, emotional, physical authentic expression (creative or not).
pretention vs. resonance & understanding
pretention is pretending something is when it isn’t. resonance & understanding is finding something of resonance, that is of alikeness in some way, & appreciating the resonance.
pretention vs. pretention
pretention is pretending something is, when it isn’t. a response to pretention may be pretending something is when it isn’t, perhaps a form of humor or sarcasm. if i’m being consciously pretentious, i let people know. in the past, i used to be some what pretentious at times, as to not hurt someone’s feeling out of being polite.
pretention vs. haughtiness & arrogance (un-nurture of nature)
pretention is pretending something is, when it isn’t. a response to pretention may be haughtiness or arrogance, which is a form of a lower conscious response.
pretention vs. lower conscious expressions, such as, manipulations, superficial judgments, assumptions, invalidation, mental & emotional abuse & hate (un-nurture of nature)
pretention is pretending something is when it isn’t. a lower conscious response to pretention can be harmful energy.
no matter where i’ve lived, since i was 19 years old, living on my own, besides times i wasn’t feeling well with a cold, my house was quite organized & clean, maybe some cat or dog hair here & there if i hadn’t swept for a week. from 39-40 years old, i’ve been on strike! i’m exhausted after 22 years of being on my own & doing everything on my own, besides financial help from my mother. my domestic chores have been little to null, due to all of the things i had mentioned in the paragraph above, of not being equalized & harmonized in myself or my life sphere, 39 years old to 40 years old, mostly due to exhaustion. that is the phase i’ve been in, within a new phase of my life i’m in my cocoon. i’m not trying to network or socialize with anyone at this time. would i invite anyone into my life during such a phase within a phase? no, i would not, i have no desire to, nor would i invite someone to my messy unkept house, i’m polite, & would only invite trusted people that i know well, to my home, if i was open to people i knew well within trusted social interaction, & if my house was feng- shuied & clean, that is polite & dignified, not pretentious.
darbi sue dunbar 